1
00:00:08,170 --> 00:00:09,550
(ERIK GROANING)
2
00:00:15,760 --> 00:00:18,260
Oh, honey,
you don't look so good.
3
00:00:19,140 --> 00:00:20,720
You should stay home
from brunch.
4
00:00:20,810 --> 00:00:22,140
Are you sure?
Mmm.
5
00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:23,940
I really want to go.
6
00:00:24,020 --> 00:00:25,980
You stay and rest.
7
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:27,810
You can see Grandma
when we get back.
8
00:00:41,450 --> 00:00:42,580
(DOOR CLOSES)
9
00:01:06,650 --> 00:01:08,900
Thank you, Videobarn dumpster.
10
00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:38,300
Wanna fuck me, baby?
11
00:01:38,890 --> 00:01:40,100
Oh, yes. Yeah.
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
12
00:01:40,220 --> 00:01:41,760
You wanna fuck me?
13
00:01:46,690 --> 00:01:47,690
Hey, Erik.
14
00:01:47,770 --> 00:01:49,400
Do you know if your dad
still has my clippers?
15
00:01:49,940 --> 00:01:52,190
I have no idea, Mr. Williams.
16
00:01:52,900 --> 00:01:54,860
All right. Go back
to what you were doing.
17
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,240
(LAWN MOWER WHIRRING)
18
00:01:59,570 --> 00:02:00,910
You wanna fuck me, baby?
19
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,950
Oh, do me, baby. Do me.
20
00:02:06,410 --> 00:02:07,710
Yeah. (MOANING)
21
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:16,920
(MOANING CONTINUES
ON HEADPHONES)
22
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,470
(GRUNTS)
23
00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:20,510
Yeah. Fuck me, baby.
24
00:02:21,090 --> 00:02:22,640
Yes, please.
25
00:02:24,390 --> 00:02:26,060
Oh, do me, baby.
26
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:27,520
Do me.
27
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,480
Yeah, just like that.
28
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,860
Oh, yeah! So good,
so good, baby.
29
00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,400
Oh, yeah!
30
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,240
I told you I was paying.
31
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:41,030
So, what's the difference
if you forgot the coupon?
32
00:02:41,110 --> 00:02:42,700
Honey, she doesn't
like to waste money.
33
00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:44,910
There's no way
I'm letting you pay full price
34
00:02:44,990 --> 00:02:48,660
when there's a two-for-one
coupon sitting on the counter.
35
00:02:48,790 --> 00:02:49,870
I'll be right out.
36
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,080
I'm coming, too.
Now I gotta pee.
37
00:02:52,170 --> 00:02:53,250
I'll check on Erik.
38
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:54,420
WOMAN: Oh, my God.
ERIK: Oh, yeah.
39
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,250
Oh. Oh, that's good.
40
00:02:56,340 --> 00:02:58,130
You like that?
I like that, too.
Oh, yeah!
41
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:00,930
MR. STIFLER: Here we go.
42
00:03:01,010 --> 00:03:02,050
MRS. STIFLER: Okay, Mom.
43
00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:03,970
WOMAN: Harder.
Harder? Okay.
44
00:03:04,050 --> 00:03:05,180
Oh, yeah! So good.
45
00:03:05,310 --> 00:03:07,060
Like this?
Yeah, right there, babe.
46
00:03:07,140 --> 00:03:08,430
Like this? Like this?
Yeah.
47
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:09,850
Baby, do me just like that.
48
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:12,520
Okay, attagirl.
49
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:13,610
(MOANING LOUDLY)
50
00:03:13,810 --> 00:03:15,400
From behind?
Oh, yeah, baby! Harder!
51
00:03:15,860 --> 00:03:17,230
Okay.
All right.
52
00:03:17,860 --> 00:03:19,650
You wanna cum for me, baby?
Oh, yeah.
53
00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:21,570
Yeah? Cum for me, baby.
I'm so close. I will.
54
00:03:21,820 --> 00:03:22,910
MRS. STIFLER:
We're almost there.
55
00:03:22,990 --> 00:03:24,070
You're gonna cum for me?
56
00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:25,200
I'm about to. I'm about to.
57
00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:26,910
That's it, baby.
58
00:03:26,990 --> 00:03:28,330
(PARENTS AND GRANDMOTHER
SCREAMING)
59
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:31,210
(MOANING)
(CONTINUES SCREAMING)
60
00:03:32,120 --> 00:03:33,130
Oh!
61
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,000
(WHIMPERING)
62
00:03:37,090 --> 00:03:38,090
(MOANING)
63
00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:41,880
Grandma. Grandma.
64
00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:44,010
MRS. STIFLER: Grandma?
MR. STIFLER: Hey, Grandma
65
00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:49,310
ERIK: And that's the day
my grandmother died.
66
00:03:49,390 --> 00:03:51,270
And it's pretty much
the story of my life.
67
00:03:51,390 --> 00:03:52,850
But let me back things up
a little bit.
68
00:04:00,030 --> 00:04:01,450
That's me.
69
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:03,950
Not exactly the life
of the party.
70
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:07,910
That's my buddy,
Mike Coozeman.
71
00:04:08,030 --> 00:04:09,620
Everybody calls him Cooze
72
00:04:09,700 --> 00:04:11,500
'cause that's all
he's ever interested in.
73
00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,370
Cooze is a self-proclaimed
ladies' man
74
00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:14,920
and a legend in his own mind.
75
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:16,590
Sometimes his methods are...
76
00:04:16,710 --> 00:04:18,040
(GROANS)
77
00:04:18,130 --> 00:04:19,590
...questionable.
78
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:22,720
Very smooth.
79
00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:25,550
Oh, please.
I consider that foreplay.
80
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:26,720
Where's Ryan?
81
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:27,850
I don't know.
82
00:04:27,930 --> 00:04:29,470
Last time I saw him,
83
00:04:30,060 --> 00:04:33,690
he was dancing
with Stacey and Shelly.
84
00:04:34,140 --> 00:04:36,770
ERIK: That's my best friend,
Ryan Grimm.
85
00:04:37,650 --> 00:04:39,820
I don't know how he does it.
86
00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:45,200
See, I told you there
was enough for both of you.
87
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:46,530
He moved here in second grade.
88
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,280
Believe it or not, back then,
89
00:04:48,370 --> 00:04:50,040
I was the one
showing him the ropes.
90
00:04:50,490 --> 00:04:52,200
Now he's the quarterback
of the football team,
91
00:04:52,290 --> 00:04:54,040
and the coolest guy in school.
92
00:04:54,620 --> 00:04:56,750
Hey, I brought you
a vodka and ginger ale,
93
00:04:56,830 --> 00:04:57,830
so it won't upset
your stomach.
94
00:04:57,920 --> 00:04:59,380
Oh, thanks.
95
00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:02,460
That's my girlfriend, Tracy.
96
00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:05,470
We met in Biology,
junior year.
97
00:05:05,590 --> 00:05:08,510
TEACHER: Now make the first
incision into your frogs.
98
00:05:09,260 --> 00:05:11,470
Cut along the ventral side
from the pelvic
99
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,230
to the pectoral girdle.
100
00:05:14,600 --> 00:05:15,690
Oh!
101
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,980
ERIK: I don't know
what she saw in me,
102
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,610
but when I finally got up
the nerve to ask her out,
103
00:05:21,690 --> 00:05:23,030
she said yes.
104
00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:24,780
No, it's okay.
105
00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:27,950
ERIK: And for some reason,
she kept going out with me.
106
00:05:29,240 --> 00:05:31,490
It's like she totally gets me.
107
00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:32,580
Oh!
108
00:05:33,370 --> 00:05:35,540
And I try my best to get her.
109
00:05:42,050 --> 00:05:43,630
Come on.
Take the low one.
It's easy.
110
00:05:46,630 --> 00:05:48,010
(EXHALES) Screw it.
111
00:05:48,430 --> 00:05:49,470
(HORSE NEIGHING)
112
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:53,680
(YELPING)
113
00:05:54,930 --> 00:05:55,930
Oh!
114
00:05:59,350 --> 00:06:00,980
Are you all right?
115
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:05,070
(GROANS) I don't know.
Is it possible
to break your ass?
116
00:06:05,320 --> 00:06:08,780
Okay, I promise I'll never
make you ride a horse again.
117
00:06:09,780 --> 00:06:11,620
ERIK: Looks like
she's perfect, right?
118
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,950
There's just one problem.
119
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,870
Tracy's not ready
to have sex yet,
120
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:20,670
so that makes me a virgin.
121
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:24,960
Now, being one
of the only virgins
in school is bad enough,
122
00:06:25,340 --> 00:06:27,130
but it's even worse for me.
123
00:06:29,510 --> 00:06:30,680
Yup.
124
00:06:30,970 --> 00:06:32,180
I'm a Stifler.
125
00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:35,350
My cousins are
the legendary Stifler boys.
126
00:06:35,430 --> 00:06:40,350
Steve, his brother Matt,
and our other cousin Dwight.
127
00:06:41,350 --> 00:06:43,650
You see, with my last name
comes responsibility,
128
00:06:43,730 --> 00:06:46,440
a reputation that
I'm supposed to live up to.
129
00:06:46,610 --> 00:06:48,650
Unfortunately, I've let down
the family name
130
00:06:48,740 --> 00:06:50,240
on more than one occasion.
131
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:51,620
What's your problem, Erik?
132
00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:53,660
Your cousin would've helped me
steal this beer.
133
00:06:54,740 --> 00:06:58,290
Dude, a real Stifler would
have totally fucked that goat.
134
00:06:58,370 --> 00:07:00,000
If you were really a Stifler,
135
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,580
you would have nailed
Tracy by now.
136
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,250
ERIK: Stifler.
137
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:08,800
My name, my legacy, my curse.
138
00:07:13,260 --> 00:07:16,060
I can't believe
you killed your grandmother
from jerking off.
139
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:17,850
The coroner's findings
were inconclusive.
140
00:07:17,930 --> 00:07:20,690
Why are you still whacking it
to that dumpster porn?
141
00:07:20,770 --> 00:07:22,560
Yeah, why don't you
just go on the Internet
142
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:23,770
like a normal person?
143
00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:25,730
Well, because my mom
put on that CyberNanny
144
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:28,780
after you spent
the entire night looking up
German fetish porn.
145
00:07:28,860 --> 00:07:31,110
Man, you are pathetic.
146
00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:32,860
You know who
I blame for this?
147
00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:33,950
Tracy.
(MOUTHING)
148
00:07:34,030 --> 00:07:35,580
What? Why?
149
00:07:35,660 --> 00:07:38,330
Because, if she would
just give up a little ass,
150
00:07:38,410 --> 00:07:40,460
then maybe you wouldn't
be killing your relatives
151
00:07:40,540 --> 00:07:41,670
with your money shot.
152
00:07:44,710 --> 00:07:47,340
Erik, you cannot
graduate a virgin.
153
00:07:47,710 --> 00:07:49,420
For Christ's sake,
you're a Stifler.
154
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:52,760
(BELL RINGING)
155
00:07:57,310 --> 00:07:58,310
Hey, sweetie.
156
00:07:58,390 --> 00:07:59,470
How was your math test?
157
00:07:59,560 --> 00:08:01,600
It was all right.
How was English?
158
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:04,100
Pretty interesting, actually.
159
00:08:04,190 --> 00:08:05,770
You know that kid that
I always tell you about?
160
00:08:05,860 --> 00:08:09,030
He was doing
that pencil thing all...
That's cool.
161
00:08:10,490 --> 00:08:11,490
Are you okay?
162
00:08:11,780 --> 00:08:13,240
Yeah, I'm fine.
163
00:08:14,860 --> 00:08:16,530
Erik, we've been
dating for two years.
164
00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:17,950
I know when
something's bothering you.
165
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,450
Nothing's wrong.
166
00:08:20,540 --> 00:08:23,290
I don't know why you think
you have this psychic ability
to read me.
167
00:08:23,370 --> 00:08:26,040
Because I do. What is it?
168
00:08:26,710 --> 00:08:28,040
You're gonna think
I'm an asshole.
169
00:08:28,130 --> 00:08:29,340
Let's just forget about it.
170
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,550
Come on, Erik, you know
you can talk to me
about anything.
171
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:36,590
All right.
172
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:42,600
It's the sex.
173
00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:45,690
I mean,
174
00:08:45,770 --> 00:08:48,360
we've been together
for two years.
Two years, Trace.
175
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:51,440
I mean, when we were juniors,
it was one thing,
176
00:08:51,530 --> 00:08:53,190
but we're seniors now,
and this whole virgin thing
177
00:08:53,280 --> 00:08:55,360
is starting to have
some serious consequences.
178
00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:57,490
I mean, people are dying.
179
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,450
I told you,
I'm not ready yet.
180
00:09:00,910 --> 00:09:02,620
I am so ready.
181
00:09:03,290 --> 00:09:04,750
Can't I be ready enough
for the both of us?
182
00:09:05,670 --> 00:09:07,080
It doesn't work that way.
183
00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:08,920
It should.
184
00:09:09,790 --> 00:09:10,800
I'm sorry, Erik.
185
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:12,210
I know how patient
you've been.
186
00:09:12,380 --> 00:09:14,220
I know. It's just sometimes...
187
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:15,800
What?
188
00:09:16,550 --> 00:09:20,430
Well, you're a girl.
It's a lot easier for you
to be a virgin
189
00:09:20,510 --> 00:09:21,720
because the longer
you stay a virgin,
190
00:09:21,810 --> 00:09:23,220
the more pure
and innocent you seem.
191
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:24,890
The longer I stay a virgin,
192
00:09:24,980 --> 00:09:27,690
the more I become
the laughingstock
of the entire school.
193
00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,110
I'm sorry, but... I mean...
194
00:09:32,190 --> 00:09:33,820
I'm sorry I brought it up.
195
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,650
(BELL RINGING)
196
00:09:35,740 --> 00:09:37,820
Look, I gotta go.
I'll see you after school.
197
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:41,330
Okay.
198
00:09:43,660 --> 00:09:44,750
Bye.
199
00:09:50,750 --> 00:09:53,840
I'm telling you,
his dick was this big.
200
00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,050
(ALL LAUGHING)
201
00:09:55,510 --> 00:09:57,800
NATALIE: What about Erik?
I bet he's got a big one.
202
00:09:58,010 --> 00:09:59,640
Well, Tracy wouldn't know.
203
00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:00,720
Whatever.
204
00:10:02,180 --> 00:10:04,890
Yeah, I guess it's pretty hard
to figure out dick size
from dry humping.
205
00:10:05,020 --> 00:10:06,350
Brooke, that's mean.
206
00:10:06,430 --> 00:10:09,600
Just because I don't have
a catalog of the school's
dick sizes like you,
207
00:10:09,690 --> 00:10:11,610
doesn't mean
I don't know a thing or two.
208
00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:14,400
Okay, so how big is Erik's?
209
00:10:17,320 --> 00:10:19,360
See? Told you.
Come on, Brooke.
210
00:10:19,950 --> 00:10:22,330
It's not like that with us.
I mean, Erik's different.
211
00:10:22,410 --> 00:10:23,790
He respects my boundaries.
212
00:10:23,870 --> 00:10:25,950
Well, you better give that boy
a reason to stick around,
213
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,410
or he's gonna find a girl
with looser boundaries.
214
00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:30,210
Erik would never do that.
215
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:31,540
Yeah, that's what
you said about Trent.
216
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:35,420
He broke up with you over sex,
and that was sophomore year.
217
00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:38,720
Yeah, this just isn't gonna
work without the sex.
218
00:10:39,300 --> 00:10:41,010
God, Trent is cute,
219
00:10:41,090 --> 00:10:43,510
and I heard he just
broke up with Holly.
220
00:10:44,140 --> 00:10:48,100
Look, Tracy, we love you,
and we love Erik,
but let's get real.
221
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:51,230
He's a guy,
and guys have certain needs.
222
00:10:51,310 --> 00:10:55,150
They really do.
It's like a caveman thing
or something.
223
00:10:55,230 --> 00:10:58,740
Yeah, I can't believe
you've kept him tied up
this long.
224
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,820
Hey, Erik, guess who
I just talked to?
225
00:11:01,910 --> 00:11:02,990
Who?
226
00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:05,160
Your cousin Stifler
up at Michigan.
227
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:06,620
Why are you talking
to my cousin Dwight?
228
00:11:06,740 --> 00:11:08,290
Oh, we talk all the time.
229
00:11:08,910 --> 00:11:10,500
What? We have
a lot in common.
230
00:11:10,580 --> 00:11:12,170
What's that crazy
bastard up to?
231
00:11:12,250 --> 00:11:16,000
He's in some fraternity,
and all those guys do
is drink and fuck.
232
00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:18,840
And it just so happens
that they're throwing
a monster party this weekend
233
00:11:18,920 --> 00:11:20,010
for the Naked Mile.
234
00:11:20,090 --> 00:11:21,220
What's the Naked Mile?
235
00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:23,090
Oh, dude, it's this thing
where thousands of students
236
00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:24,550
run naked through campus.
237
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,850
It's their way of blowing off
steam after exams.
238
00:11:26,930 --> 00:11:28,730
Thousands of naked chicks?
239
00:11:28,810 --> 00:11:31,390
Stifler says that this party
is gonna be epic.
240
00:11:31,940 --> 00:11:34,060
Bottom line is,
this place is played out.
241
00:11:34,150 --> 00:11:35,480
High school's over for us.
242
00:11:35,610 --> 00:11:37,570
It's time to plant
our flag in a new land.
243
00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:41,320
Porn, cumshot,
dead grandmother,
grounded forever?
244
00:11:41,610 --> 00:11:42,660
Don't worry.
245
00:11:42,780 --> 00:11:45,780
Just tell your parents that,
you're thinking about going
to school there.
246
00:11:45,870 --> 00:11:46,870
I don't know, man.
247
00:11:46,950 --> 00:11:47,950
Oh, please.
248
00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:49,580
Your mom cried
when you told her
249
00:11:49,660 --> 00:11:51,000
you were going
to school in Boston.
250
00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:52,080
She'll probably help you pack
251
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,500
if she thinks it'll keep you
close to home.
252
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:54,630
I'll help you pack.
253
00:11:55,420 --> 00:11:56,630
I'll make sandwiches.
254
00:11:56,790 --> 00:11:57,840
Chicken salad?
255
00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,010
Of course.
256
00:11:59,130 --> 00:12:01,090
Are you gonna get a chance
to see your cousin?
257
00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:04,050
Yeah. We might stop by
and say hello.
258
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:06,890
Now, there's someone you
should definitely look up to.
259
00:12:07,140 --> 00:12:09,270
I bet he doesn't have time
to blow his load
on his family.
260
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,310
Harry, please.
MR. STIFLER:
I don't understand.
261
00:12:11,430 --> 00:12:13,900
When I was your age,
I was up to my neck
in poontang.
262
00:12:14,980 --> 00:12:16,690
I didn't have time
to spank my monkey.
263
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:20,400
Thank you for that very
disturbing image, Dad.
264
00:12:20,690 --> 00:12:24,450
I mean, Stiflers do not fake
being sick to stay home
and pull dick.
265
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:25,780
We cut class to get ass.
266
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:28,330
Yes, I know.
That saying is on
our family crest.
267
00:12:28,410 --> 00:12:30,120
Oh, don't let me forget
to pack the Imodium AD.
268
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:31,620
Just in case you get diarrhea.
269
00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:33,620
Mom.
I am so excited.
270
00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:34,750
Aren't you excited, Harry?
271
00:12:34,830 --> 00:12:36,790
I'm very excited. (LAUGHS)
272
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:39,170
Don't you get excited.
273
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:40,630
ERIK ON PHONE: It worked
just like you said.
274
00:12:40,710 --> 00:12:41,710
She's helping me pack,
275
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,590
and she's even
making us sandwiches.
276
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:44,970
Chicken salad?
277
00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:46,430
Yup.
Oh, sweet.
278
00:12:46,510 --> 00:12:48,300
See, I told you.
Never doubt me.
279
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:50,180
Man, this weekend
is gonna be tits.
280
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:51,640
I can't wait to see Stifler.
281
00:12:52,810 --> 00:12:54,980
Hey, how come
you never call me Stifler?
282
00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:57,230
You're more of an Erik.
283
00:12:57,690 --> 00:12:58,770
(BEEPING)
284
00:12:58,860 --> 00:13:00,150
Hold on.
285
00:13:00,860 --> 00:13:02,320
That's Tracy.
I'd better take it.
286
00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:03,570
All right, later.
287
00:13:06,490 --> 00:13:08,870
Hey, sweetie.
Listen, about today,
I'm really...
288
00:13:08,990 --> 00:13:11,160
Erik, I wanna have sex.
289
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:13,080
Excuse me?
290
00:13:13,580 --> 00:13:15,830
I wanna have sex.
291
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,040
Are you serious?
292
00:13:17,170 --> 00:13:18,250
Absolutely.
293
00:13:19,210 --> 00:13:20,590
Do you have me
on a conference call?
294
00:13:20,670 --> 00:13:22,130
Because if you do,
that is so not cool.
295
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:23,920
Erik, this isn't a joke.
296
00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:26,760
I want to have sex.
297
00:13:28,390 --> 00:13:30,930
Yes! Yes, yes.
298
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:32,560
Tonight.
299
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:33,770
What?
300
00:13:33,850 --> 00:13:36,020
Tonight. I wanna
have sex tonight.
301
00:13:36,850 --> 00:13:38,310
How am I supposed
to get out of my house?
302
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,860
That's up to you.
303
00:13:39,940 --> 00:13:43,650
But at midnight,
I'll be in my basement,
304
00:13:43,780 --> 00:13:45,650
waiting to be ravished.
305
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:47,320
I'll be there.
306
00:14:09,340 --> 00:14:10,680
Hypocrite.
307
00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:15,520
So you get the beer
and the weed,
and I'll handle the nitrous.
308
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,480
You got it.
What's Erik bringing?
309
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:18,730
Sandwiches.
310
00:14:18,810 --> 00:14:22,440
Nice. Chicken salad
and college pussy.
311
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,150
My favorite combination.
312
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,030
Yeah, well, at least
you'll get to
taste the chicken salad.
313
00:14:26,110 --> 00:14:27,280
Ow.
314
00:14:27,360 --> 00:14:29,200
Hey, what do you think Erik's
doing right now?
315
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:31,490
Probably beating off
to dumpster porn.
316
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,750
No more beating off
to dumpster porn.
No more virgin jokes.
317
00:14:35,830 --> 00:14:38,160
Tonight, Erik Stifler
becomes a man.
318
00:14:57,560 --> 00:14:58,730
(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)
319
00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:16,700
Hi.
320
00:15:25,340 --> 00:15:26,550
All right, listen.
No.
321
00:15:27,380 --> 00:15:28,840
No talking.
322
00:15:33,510 --> 00:15:35,350
(SLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
323
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,240
Wait.
324
00:15:56,370 --> 00:15:57,410
What?
325
00:15:57,540 --> 00:15:58,910
Did you hear something?
326
00:15:59,040 --> 00:16:02,710
No. Don't worry,
my parents are passed out.
327
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,920
Are you sure?
You know how my stomach gets.
328
00:16:08,710 --> 00:16:11,300
Here, I'll help you relax.
329
00:16:25,940 --> 00:16:28,150
You brought something, right?
330
00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,490
Oh, shit. I left it at home.
331
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:36,200
I can run back and get it.
I'll be back in like five...
332
00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:38,830
No, no, don't worry.
I've got one.
333
00:16:42,620 --> 00:16:45,080
Do you wanna put it on
or should I?
334
00:16:45,290 --> 00:16:47,080
Let's put it on together.
335
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:48,500
Okay.
336
00:17:05,060 --> 00:17:06,310
Are you ready?
337
00:17:07,150 --> 00:17:08,190
Yeah.
338
00:17:08,270 --> 00:17:09,610
(DOOR OPENING)
339
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:13,400
Shit. Someone's coming.
Quick, get behind
the bar. Now!
340
00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:27,460
Honey, what are you
still doing up?
341
00:17:28,540 --> 00:17:29,670
Yoga.
342
00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:31,420
TRACY'S DAD:
I ate too much at dinner.
343
00:17:31,500 --> 00:17:32,960
Why don't you take
an Alka-Seltzer?
344
00:17:33,050 --> 00:17:34,800
Alka-Seltzer is for babies.
345
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:36,340
I just need a nightcap.
346
00:17:36,430 --> 00:17:37,550
(FARTING)
347
00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:41,010
Excuse me.
348
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:43,310
Sounds like you could use
an Alka-Seltzer.
349
00:17:43,390 --> 00:17:45,520
Oh, Daddy. Here, let me
get you your drink.
350
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,730
No, that's okay, honey.
You go back to your yoga.
351
00:17:47,810 --> 00:17:49,440
No, Daddy, I really want to.
352
00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:52,610
Sweetie, I'm a grown man.
I can make my own drink.
353
00:18:05,290 --> 00:18:06,410
(RUSTLING)
354
00:18:07,620 --> 00:18:09,210
What was that?
355
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,170
What was what?
356
00:18:11,250 --> 00:18:12,460
I didn't hear anything.
357
00:18:13,170 --> 00:18:16,260
There was a noise
coming from the laundry room.
358
00:18:42,830 --> 00:18:43,830
Ah.
359
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:47,250
I must be hearing things.
360
00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:50,630
See, Daddy? I told you.
Now, come make your drink.
361
00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:52,380
(FARTING)
362
00:18:53,920 --> 00:18:55,000
What the...
363
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,840
(GROANING)
364
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:05,430
(SCREAMING)
365
00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:12,940
You all right, baby?
366
00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:14,520
I'm fine, Daddy.
367
00:19:14,610 --> 00:19:15,610
(SNIFFING)
368
00:19:17,610 --> 00:19:18,610
Ugh.
369
00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:31,460
Oh, that sick bastard took
a shit in our dryer.
370
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,790
I'm calling the police.
371
00:19:40,260 --> 00:19:42,180
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
372
00:19:43,010 --> 00:19:44,010
(SNORING)
373
00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:47,640
ERIK: Shit.
374
00:19:50,310 --> 00:19:52,560
Ryan? Ryan?
375
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,690
Ryan, get up man. Ryan!
376
00:19:54,770 --> 00:19:56,320
What the fuck?
377
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,030
It's me. It's Erik.
378
00:19:58,110 --> 00:20:00,320
Dude, why are you naked
in my room?
379
00:20:02,610 --> 00:20:03,910
And with a rubber
on your dick.
380
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,830
Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.
381
00:20:07,870 --> 00:20:10,830
Look, I'm in serious trouble,
okay? I need your help.
382
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,120
(SNIFFING)
383
00:20:12,790 --> 00:20:14,500
Ugh. What's that smell?
384
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:16,920
Did you step in dog shit?
385
00:20:17,460 --> 00:20:18,550
Yeah.
386
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,930
Hey, man, thanks for the
clothes. I'll get them
back to you.
387
00:20:23,010 --> 00:20:25,850
No, thanks.
Why don't you just
burn them?
388
00:20:25,930 --> 00:20:27,600
(POLICE SIREN WAILING)
389
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:30,140
Wonder if I get a reward
for turning you in.
390
00:20:30,350 --> 00:20:32,520
NEWS ANCHOR ON TV:
If the alleged
improprieties are confirmed,
391
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,900
it could be devastating for
the White House.
392
00:20:34,980 --> 00:20:36,730
Sources near the
administration would neither
393
00:20:36,810 --> 00:20:39,070
confirm nor deny
the allegations.
394
00:20:39,150 --> 00:20:42,820
And in local news,
a masked burglar broke
into an area residence,
395
00:20:42,900 --> 00:20:47,200
defecated in the family
dryer, and then exposed
himself to a teenage girl.
396
00:20:47,280 --> 00:20:48,780
Police are continuing
the search,
397
00:20:48,870 --> 00:20:51,750
but the whereabouts and
identity of the perpetrator
are unknown.
398
00:20:51,830 --> 00:20:53,460
What is wrong
with these people?
399
00:20:53,540 --> 00:20:55,120
And now, Dakota Snow
with the weekend forecast.
400
00:20:55,210 --> 00:20:56,290
I don't know.
401
00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:05,970
You scared me.
402
00:21:06,050 --> 00:21:07,300
Sorry.
403
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:08,890
Listen, about last night...
404
00:21:08,970 --> 00:21:12,560
Yeah, you know,
I'd just really
rather not talk about it.
405
00:21:12,770 --> 00:21:14,850
I really think that we should.
406
00:21:15,690 --> 00:21:18,690
Erik, you took a crap
in my dryer.
407
00:21:18,810 --> 00:21:21,320
Your dad scared
the shit out of me.
408
00:21:21,940 --> 00:21:23,240
Wait.
You know, let's just...
409
00:21:23,320 --> 00:21:25,400
Let's forget about it, okay?
410
00:21:27,620 --> 00:21:30,200
Okay, but what about
the other thing?
411
00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:34,460
The sex?
412
00:21:35,290 --> 00:21:37,790
I'm taking last night
as a sign from above.
413
00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,750
But maybe... I mean,
if your dad
didn't come down...
414
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,840
Erik, I love you. I'm just...
415
00:21:43,340 --> 00:21:44,920
I'm not ready yet.
416
00:21:45,510 --> 00:21:46,720
Really?
417
00:21:48,260 --> 00:21:49,470
Really.
418
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:53,020
But I also realized just how
ready you are.
419
00:21:53,930 --> 00:21:56,060
I don't wanna break up
over sex.
420
00:21:56,140 --> 00:21:57,980
I don't think we have to.
421
00:21:58,940 --> 00:22:03,360
I'm not ready. You are.
It's selfish for me
to keep you tied down.
422
00:22:05,190 --> 00:22:07,700
So, this is
what I'm proposing.
423
00:22:08,990 --> 00:22:11,280
A guilt-free pass
for this weekend.
424
00:22:11,370 --> 00:22:14,540
That means you can do
whatever you want up there
425
00:22:14,830 --> 00:22:16,960
with no consequences.
426
00:22:18,750 --> 00:22:20,500
You're sure about this?
427
00:22:20,750 --> 00:22:24,340
I don't think love and sex
have to be tied to each other,
428
00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:27,260
so I'm okay with this.
429
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,890
One weekend.
Get it out of your system,
430
00:22:32,260 --> 00:22:34,060
and come back to me.
431
00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:37,430
Is this some kind of a test?
432
00:22:38,690 --> 00:22:40,020
Not at all.
433
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,200
RYAN: Wanted a bomb beer.
COOZE: Yes.
434
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:50,530
See, this is perfect.
435
00:22:51,410 --> 00:22:53,030
Hey, we all set?
436
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:54,700
I don't know.
437
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:55,870
I told you
he'd puss out.
438
00:22:55,950 --> 00:22:57,710
Tell me you at least
brought the sandwiches.
439
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:00,790
What's the problem?
440
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,630
There is no problem.
441
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,300
Tracy just gave me
a guilt-free pass
for the weekend,
442
00:23:05,380 --> 00:23:07,800
which means I can do
anything I want.
443
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:09,130
Anything?
444
00:23:10,260 --> 00:23:11,640
You mean...
445
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:15,560
Yeah, she said that
love and sex don't
have to be linked.
446
00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:17,310
She wants me to
get it out of my system.
447
00:23:17,390 --> 00:23:22,230
Dude, your girlfriend
just went from the lamest
to the coolest in one shot.
448
00:23:23,060 --> 00:23:25,150
You guys think it could be,
like, some sort of a test?
449
00:23:25,270 --> 00:23:27,480
No, no.
No, no.
450
00:23:27,610 --> 00:23:29,070
Tracy's a smart girl.
451
00:23:29,150 --> 00:23:30,820
She's mature enough to see
that you're a man...
452
00:23:30,950 --> 00:23:33,320
Yeah.
And you have certain needs.
453
00:23:33,450 --> 00:23:34,490
You think so?
454
00:23:34,620 --> 00:23:35,990
Absolutely.
455
00:23:36,990 --> 00:23:38,000
You're driving.
456
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:40,620
Now get in the car
so we can go get you
some random pussy.
457
00:23:41,790 --> 00:23:45,420
Gentlemen, it's Friday
afternoon, we've got
a full tank of gas,
458
00:23:45,500 --> 00:23:47,840
a quarter ounce of weed,
three cases of beer,
459
00:23:47,920 --> 00:23:50,260
a ten-pound tank of nitrous,
we're underage...
460
00:23:50,340 --> 00:23:52,840
And I am too drunk to drive.
461
00:23:53,550 --> 00:23:54,550
Hit it.
462
00:23:55,180 --> 00:23:57,350
(HARD ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
463
00:24:16,660 --> 00:24:18,790
You sure this shit's safe?
464
00:24:18,870 --> 00:24:22,710
It's as safe as any other
chemical used to
freeze-dry animals.
465
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:24,420
(CLUCKING)
466
00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:27,630
Look at the size
of that fucking chicken.
467
00:24:27,710 --> 00:24:28,800
Where?
468
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,170
(TIRES SCREECHING)
469
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:34,220
RYAN: Whoa, what the fuck?
What fucking chicken?
470
00:24:34,390 --> 00:24:36,640
Relax, he's hallucinating.
471
00:24:37,850 --> 00:24:39,810
Are you out of
your fucking mind?
472
00:24:39,890 --> 00:24:42,730
Yeah, Tracy.
What were you thinking?
473
00:24:42,850 --> 00:24:45,560
But you guys told me
I had to give him a reason
to stick around.
474
00:24:45,650 --> 00:24:47,480
Yeah, you give him a reason,
475
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,070
not give him a free pass
to go have a weekend orgy.
476
00:24:50,150 --> 00:24:51,490
You've got to stop this.
477
00:24:51,570 --> 00:24:54,990
If he has sex this weekend,
what do you think's
gonna happen?
478
00:24:55,070 --> 00:24:56,320
That he'll get it
out of his system.
479
00:24:56,410 --> 00:24:58,160
Oh, yeah.
That's how it works.
480
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,580
He's gonna go from
getting laid
back to dry humping.
481
00:25:00,660 --> 00:25:02,330
It's pretty risky, Tracy.
482
00:25:02,410 --> 00:25:05,830
Risky? It's a fucking
Pandora's box, literally.
483
00:25:06,580 --> 00:25:10,920
And once he's felt
the soft pink velvet
on the inside of the box,
484
00:25:11,050 --> 00:25:14,760
he's not gonna go back to
rubbing his dick on
the outside of the lid.
485
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:16,680
Never thought of it like that.
486
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,930
Tracy, men are like dogs
487
00:25:19,050 --> 00:25:21,770
that run around and hump
anything they see.
488
00:25:21,850 --> 00:25:24,850
Now, go and get your dog
back on its leash.
489
00:25:41,450 --> 00:25:43,370
(CELL PHONE BUZZING)
490
00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,460
Come on, Erik.
491
00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:58,180
I knew it was
too good to be true.
492
00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:06,520
Sorry, kids.
It's for the best.
493
00:26:33,500 --> 00:26:34,550
Tracy?
494
00:26:35,550 --> 00:26:36,760
Oh, Mr. Levenstein.
495
00:26:36,840 --> 00:26:38,010
Hi.
Hey.
496
00:26:38,130 --> 00:26:39,930
You're back for more yoga.
497
00:26:40,010 --> 00:26:41,510
Well, my wife is hooked on it,
498
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:46,560
and she thinks if I can be
a little more flexible,
we can try some new...
499
00:26:48,190 --> 00:26:52,020
Have you ever heard of a book
called the Kama Sutra?
500
00:26:53,860 --> 00:26:54,860
No.
501
00:26:55,360 --> 00:26:57,190
Oh, well,
my wife just got it,
502
00:26:57,320 --> 00:27:01,030
and there's some stuff
in there that requires
some serious stretching,
503
00:27:01,160 --> 00:27:03,200
if you know what I mean.
504
00:27:03,740 --> 00:27:07,000
Are you okay, honey?
You look a little upset.
505
00:27:07,540 --> 00:27:10,500
Oh, you know, just some
boyfriend stuff.
506
00:27:10,580 --> 00:27:12,840
Oh, boyfriend stuff.
507
00:27:13,380 --> 00:27:15,880
Well, if there's
anything I can do.
508
00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:20,510
No offense or anything, but I
don't think you'd understand.
509
00:27:21,090 --> 00:27:22,510
Oh, I see.
510
00:27:23,510 --> 00:27:25,850
You know, my son
had his fair share
511
00:27:25,930 --> 00:27:29,730
of relationship-slash-
sexual-slash-
512
00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:33,610
pastry-related difficulties,
513
00:27:33,730 --> 00:27:38,110
and I think my advice
helped him over the years.
514
00:27:39,610 --> 00:27:43,280
Well, do you have any advice
for a girl dumb enough
to give her virgin boyfriend
515
00:27:43,410 --> 00:27:45,910
a guilt-free pass
for the weekend?
516
00:27:46,540 --> 00:27:49,410
I'm sorry, a guilt-free pass?
517
00:27:49,750 --> 00:27:53,080
That means he could do
whatever he wants this weekend
with no consequences.
518
00:27:53,210 --> 00:27:55,090
Oh, my! (CHUCKLES)
519
00:27:55,460 --> 00:27:58,420
Well, that certainly sounds
progressive,
520
00:27:59,090 --> 00:28:04,050
and a safe bet on what is
probably gonna be
a humdrum weekend.
521
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,430
He's at the Naked Mile
this weekend.
522
00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:12,810
You gave your boyfriend a
guilt-free pass to the Naked
Mile? Are you kidding me?
523
00:28:12,940 --> 00:28:16,190
Tracy, the Naked Mile
is insane. You...
524
00:28:16,270 --> 00:28:19,940
From what I hear. I wouldn't
know from personal experience
525
00:28:20,070 --> 00:28:24,450
because I, you know,
I have nothing whatsoever
to do with it.
526
00:28:24,570 --> 00:28:27,160
But, look, Tracy,
527
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,500
even if your boyfriend is at
this Naked Mile,
528
00:28:30,620 --> 00:28:33,620
it doesn't mean
he's gonna do anything.
529
00:28:34,830 --> 00:28:35,920
Really?
530
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:39,130
Well, just because he can,
doesn't mean he will.
531
00:28:40,340 --> 00:28:43,430
Relationships are
all about trust.
532
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:49,010
Yeah, I guess you're right.
533
00:28:49,810 --> 00:28:52,680
Well, namaste.
534
00:28:53,190 --> 00:28:54,480
Namaste.
535
00:29:12,450 --> 00:29:14,460
Hey, have you seen my phone?
536
00:29:14,540 --> 00:29:15,710
No.
537
00:29:15,830 --> 00:29:17,750
Maybe you left it
back at school.
538
00:29:17,830 --> 00:29:19,840
No, I thought
I put it in my backpack.
539
00:29:20,340 --> 00:29:21,670
Hmm. Mmm-mmm.
540
00:29:23,670 --> 00:29:26,840
Hey, you wanna pull over
at that stop up ahead?
I gotta take a piss.
541
00:29:26,970 --> 00:29:29,350
Just piss in a can
or something.
542
00:29:30,850 --> 00:29:32,850
Man, I could cut my dick
on the lip.
543
00:29:32,930 --> 00:29:34,390
Well, piss out the window.
544
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:41,570
ERIK: (YELPS) Hey!
545
00:29:59,290 --> 00:30:00,290
(LAUGHING)
546
00:30:01,210 --> 00:30:04,380
Love that breeze off the lake.
547
00:30:17,100 --> 00:30:19,310
COOZE:
This place is incredible.
548
00:30:19,560 --> 00:30:22,650
Just think, next year
I'm gonna be going here.
549
00:30:22,730 --> 00:30:25,610
Yeah, thanks to Daddy
and his alumni connections.
550
00:30:25,740 --> 00:30:28,530
Fuck off. I told you,
I got in
on my SAT scores.
551
00:30:28,610 --> 00:30:31,070
You scored five points
above being legally retarded.
552
00:30:31,160 --> 00:30:32,910
(RYAN AND ERIK LAUGHING)
553
00:30:32,990 --> 00:30:35,500
Whatever. Still got in.
554
00:30:36,660 --> 00:30:38,750
Hey, why does it smell
like piss back here?
555
00:30:41,840 --> 00:30:44,000
RYAN: This is it.
Beta Delta Xi.
556
00:30:44,090 --> 00:30:45,920
ERIK: This is the house?
RYAN: Yeah.
557
00:30:46,010 --> 00:30:47,090
ERIK: Cool.
558
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:57,770
What's going on here?
559
00:30:57,850 --> 00:30:59,480
I have no idea.
560
00:31:07,610 --> 00:31:11,110
ALL: (CHANTING) Drink. Drink.
Drink. Drink.
561
00:31:14,490 --> 00:31:16,410
Drink. Drink. Drink. Drink.
562
00:31:21,790 --> 00:31:23,040
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
563
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:26,800
(GROANS)
564
00:31:30,880 --> 00:31:32,640
MAN: Okay.
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)
565
00:31:33,220 --> 00:31:34,640
Yeah.
566
00:31:38,310 --> 00:31:40,810
How you feeling there,
Stretch?
567
00:31:41,230 --> 00:31:42,480
Little dizzy?
568
00:31:43,980 --> 00:31:45,400
'Cause guess what?
569
00:31:45,690 --> 00:31:49,740
Stifler can drink this shit
all day long.
570
00:31:51,320 --> 00:31:52,740
(ALL CHEERING)
571
00:31:57,990 --> 00:32:00,250
Your cousin is my hero.
572
00:32:01,500 --> 00:32:02,920
(MAN WHISTLING)
573
00:32:03,000 --> 00:32:05,590
All right, everybody freeze!
Oh, shit.
574
00:32:05,670 --> 00:32:07,250
Campus security.
575
00:32:08,210 --> 00:32:10,170
Nobody takes another drink...
576
00:32:14,340 --> 00:32:17,600
Till I got my bet down.
I got $200 on Stifler!
577
00:32:17,680 --> 00:32:19,020
(ALL CHEERING)
578
00:32:22,230 --> 00:32:25,190
Spanky, you had me going,
you silly son of a bitch.
579
00:32:25,270 --> 00:32:26,980
SPANKY: Let's do it. Do it!
(GROANING)
580
00:32:41,290 --> 00:32:42,330
(ALL CHEERING)
581
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,130
You got steel nuts, my man.
I'll give you that much.
582
00:32:48,210 --> 00:32:49,880
But you're no match
for the Stif-man.
583
00:32:51,880 --> 00:32:53,630
Fuck you, Stifler.
584
00:32:53,720 --> 00:32:54,720
ALL: Ooh!
585
00:32:55,550 --> 00:32:56,640
Yeah.
586
00:32:58,390 --> 00:32:59,560
Yeah.
587
00:33:02,890 --> 00:33:04,560
(ALL MURMURING)
588
00:33:04,730 --> 00:33:06,020
What's the matter,
Boy Band?
589
00:33:06,100 --> 00:33:08,900
You need a little something
to settle your stomach?
590
00:33:11,070 --> 00:33:12,490
(BELCHING)
591
00:33:13,110 --> 00:33:14,110
ALL: Oh!
592
00:33:15,820 --> 00:33:17,490
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)
593
00:33:17,570 --> 00:33:18,830
(BLOWING)
594
00:33:18,910 --> 00:33:21,620
Yeah, take in
the Stifler essence. Mmm!
595
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,620
Mighty pungent.
(VOMITING)
596
00:33:24,210 --> 00:33:25,790
(ALL YELPING)
597
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:33,760
Oh!
598
00:33:34,220 --> 00:33:35,300
Yeah!
599
00:33:35,380 --> 00:33:39,100
And still Heavyweight Drinking
Champion of the World,
600
00:33:39,180 --> 00:33:44,180
Dwight "The Iron Liver"
Stifler!
601
00:33:44,270 --> 00:33:45,730
(ALL CHEERING)
602
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,650
I'm a bad motherfucker, baby!
603
00:33:54,820 --> 00:33:56,150
(ALL EXCLAIMING)
604
00:33:57,360 --> 00:33:59,370
He's okay. He's okay.
605
00:34:05,250 --> 00:34:08,120
Oh, hey, cousin.
606
00:34:09,630 --> 00:34:11,000
How you doing?
607
00:34:11,460 --> 00:34:14,510
I'm fine, Dwight.
Are you okay?
608
00:34:15,090 --> 00:34:16,420
Oh, yeah,
I'm fine.
609
00:34:17,590 --> 00:34:18,840
I'm fine.
610
00:34:19,340 --> 00:34:23,140
Hey, I heard that you killed
Grandma with your cumshot.
611
00:34:23,220 --> 00:34:24,470
(BOTH LAUGHING)
612
00:34:25,100 --> 00:34:26,430
That sucks, man.
613
00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:27,640
Mmm-hmm.
614
00:34:31,690 --> 00:34:33,110
Should we take him
to the hospital?
615
00:34:33,190 --> 00:34:34,860
RYAN: No, he'll be fine.
616
00:34:34,940 --> 00:34:37,820
He told me he does this,
like, once a month.
617
00:34:38,860 --> 00:34:43,160
Okay, well, you guys keep
an eye on him. I'm gonna
go to the bathroom.
618
00:34:49,790 --> 00:34:51,500
Of course I'm going.
It's the Naked Mile.
619
00:34:59,970 --> 00:35:02,350
So, when are we
gonna start partying?
620
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:04,890
Oh, someone's feeling
a little frisky.
621
00:35:05,220 --> 00:35:08,730
Let's just say I finally
decided to live up
to the family name.
622
00:35:10,690 --> 00:35:13,900
Stifler? We got a serious
problem, man.
623
00:35:14,690 --> 00:35:17,900
Mike and the guys just got
arrested trying to steal
a monkey from the zoo.
624
00:35:19,570 --> 00:35:22,490
So what's the problem?
Just take the money
out of my bail fund.
625
00:35:22,570 --> 00:35:24,780
They're almost half
our football team.
626
00:35:24,870 --> 00:35:27,700
We gotta put a team on the
field, man, or we're done.
627
00:35:27,790 --> 00:35:30,120
Why?
'Cause we're already on
probation.
628
00:35:30,460 --> 00:35:33,130
We gotta participate
in every intramural event
629
00:35:33,340 --> 00:35:35,550
or we're kicked off
campus, man.
630
00:35:35,710 --> 00:35:37,300
We're four guys short.
631
00:35:42,050 --> 00:35:43,140
I play football.
632
00:35:44,220 --> 00:35:46,220
I played freshman year.
633
00:35:47,930 --> 00:35:49,230
What about you?
634
00:35:50,100 --> 00:35:51,520
A little Nerf here and there.
635
00:35:51,600 --> 00:35:53,900
Good enough. Stifler?
636
00:35:53,980 --> 00:35:55,110
Mmm?
637
00:35:55,190 --> 00:35:58,030
Can you play?
638
00:36:03,990 --> 00:36:06,490
Don't ever
639
00:36:07,950 --> 00:36:09,950
ask if Stifler can play.
640
00:36:20,720 --> 00:36:21,800
I'm good.
641
00:36:24,970 --> 00:36:29,220
The team we're playing's
been undefeated for
five straight years.
642
00:36:29,310 --> 00:36:31,520
These guys must be
pretty serious.
643
00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:33,850
Fucking-A-right,
they're serious.
644
00:36:34,060 --> 00:36:36,190
Lambda Pi Gamma.
645
00:36:36,270 --> 00:36:39,730
They're our arch rivals
in everything.
Sports, women, booze.
646
00:36:40,780 --> 00:36:43,570
These guys are fucking evil.
647
00:36:45,120 --> 00:36:48,490
MAN: Get ready!
Come on! Down!
648
00:36:50,500 --> 00:36:52,710
Blue 42.
649
00:36:52,960 --> 00:36:54,040
They're midgets.
650
00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:55,210
Hut!
651
00:36:59,090 --> 00:37:01,090
Don't let their size
fool you.
652
00:37:01,170 --> 00:37:04,930
These guys are
fucking animals.
653
00:37:05,050 --> 00:37:08,100
Did I do too much nitrous?
A midget fraternity?
654
00:37:08,350 --> 00:37:12,850
Those rich midgets from
those infomercials gave
the school some huge grant,
655
00:37:12,930 --> 00:37:16,650
and started a school
for the vertically challenged
and a fraternity.
656
00:37:16,730 --> 00:37:19,480
And this is where every midget
in America wants to be.
657
00:37:19,570 --> 00:37:20,610
Hot feet!
658
00:37:20,690 --> 00:37:21,780
DWIGHT: That's right.
659
00:37:21,860 --> 00:37:22,900
Breakdown.
660
00:37:22,990 --> 00:37:25,530
These guys are
the best of the best.
661
00:37:26,780 --> 00:37:28,320
ROCK: Well, well, well.
662
00:37:28,990 --> 00:37:32,950
If it isn't
the regular-size retards
and Captain Retard himself.
663
00:37:33,040 --> 00:37:34,960
You ready to get your ass
kicked again, Shitler?
664
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,790
Get back to Oz there
before you get
your ass stomped, Toto.
665
00:37:38,880 --> 00:37:39,960
(ALL LAUGHING)
666
00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:43,510
Toto was the dog,
you fucking idiot.
667
00:37:43,630 --> 00:37:47,010
Lick my balls,
Big Wheel-riding,
midget motherfucker.
668
00:37:47,090 --> 00:37:48,970
It's little person, fuck-nut.
669
00:37:49,300 --> 00:37:52,930
This year, I'm gonna take
a chunk out of your other leg.
670
00:37:53,220 --> 00:37:54,480
You little...
671
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,190
(ALL YELLING)
672
00:37:58,690 --> 00:38:00,650
You want it?
You want it? Come on.
673
00:38:00,730 --> 00:38:01,820
Take it easy.
674
00:38:01,900 --> 00:38:03,360
Whoa. Whoa.
675
00:38:03,570 --> 00:38:05,280
Out of my way, assholes.
676
00:38:08,620 --> 00:38:10,580
ERIK:
What's that guy's problem?
677
00:38:10,660 --> 00:38:13,080
That's Rock.
He's fucking crazy.
678
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:14,750
He plays dirty.
ROCK: Out of my way,
you fucking idiot.
679
00:38:14,830 --> 00:38:17,370
Last year, he bit a chunk
out of my thigh.
680
00:38:17,460 --> 00:38:18,880
COOZE: Jesus!
681
00:38:19,540 --> 00:38:21,670
RYAN: Hey, his girlfriend's
pretty hot.
682
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:26,590
COOZE: Yeah. What's with
that regular-size guy?
683
00:38:27,050 --> 00:38:31,430
Oh, it's Rock's cousin.
They had to
let him in. Legacy.
684
00:38:33,350 --> 00:38:36,140
What a douchebag.
685
00:38:36,890 --> 00:38:38,060
Can he play?
686
00:38:38,730 --> 00:38:41,690
No, he sucks.
(BOTH LAUGHING)
687
00:38:41,770 --> 00:38:42,860
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
688
00:38:42,980 --> 00:38:44,650
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
689
00:38:53,280 --> 00:38:54,450
Hey, keep your head up.
690
00:38:54,540 --> 00:38:57,080
Whatever, they're midgets.
How bad can it be?
691
00:38:57,160 --> 00:38:58,460
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
692
00:39:11,050 --> 00:39:12,140
Holy shit!
693
00:39:21,600 --> 00:39:24,150
Keep your head up, bitch.
694
00:39:29,610 --> 00:39:33,320
I told you, man.
Don't underestimate
these little bastards.
695
00:39:35,030 --> 00:39:36,330
DWIGHT: Down!
696
00:39:36,410 --> 00:39:37,790
Set!
697
00:39:38,330 --> 00:39:39,370
Hut!
698
00:39:43,130 --> 00:39:44,670
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
699
00:39:45,500 --> 00:39:47,300
(PEOPLE CHEERING)
700
00:39:57,680 --> 00:39:59,230
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
701
00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:00,810
Yeah!
702
00:40:23,250 --> 00:40:25,170
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
703
00:40:38,970 --> 00:40:39,970
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
704
00:40:43,810 --> 00:40:46,020
Let's go, fellas.
Get on the line.
705
00:40:46,690 --> 00:40:48,150
DWIGHT: Down!
706
00:40:49,110 --> 00:40:50,610
How you feeling, Stifler?
707
00:40:50,690 --> 00:40:53,320
I'm 6'1", Frodo.
How about you?
708
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:56,160
Set!
709
00:40:57,410 --> 00:40:58,450
Hut!
710
00:41:01,410 --> 00:41:02,620
(SCREAMING)
711
00:41:02,710 --> 00:41:04,620
The little fucker's
biting me again.
712
00:41:05,290 --> 00:41:07,000
(SCREAMING)
713
00:41:17,350 --> 00:41:18,930
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
714
00:41:21,720 --> 00:41:24,480
Funny, you don't look 6'1"
from here, shit stain.
715
00:41:27,900 --> 00:41:30,270
(I WISH PLAYING)
716
00:41:54,220 --> 00:41:55,340
DWIGHT: God,
717
00:41:56,090 --> 00:41:58,300
I hate that fucking guy.
718
00:41:58,390 --> 00:42:00,100
Getting killed out there.
719
00:42:00,180 --> 00:42:01,430
I can't get loose.
720
00:42:01,510 --> 00:42:04,640
They're so fast and small.
I don't know what to do.
721
00:42:04,730 --> 00:42:06,890
Quit crying, you bunch
of bra-wearing pussies.
722
00:42:06,980 --> 00:42:10,690
I just got a hunk
taken out of my leg.
You don't hear me crying.
723
00:42:10,770 --> 00:42:12,530
All right, let's put
our balls on the table.
724
00:42:12,610 --> 00:42:16,780
Let's go out there, show these
little sons of bitches what
being a Beta's all about.
725
00:42:16,860 --> 00:42:18,700
You understand
what I'm saying, fellas?
726
00:42:18,780 --> 00:42:20,580
(ALL AGREEING)
All right, Beta on three.
727
00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:22,910
One, two, three, Beta!
ALL: Beta!
728
00:42:24,160 --> 00:42:25,370
Down! Set!
729
00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:27,290
Hut!
730
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:38,930
Go!
731
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,100
(ALL CHEERING)
732
00:43:23,640 --> 00:43:24,640
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
733
00:43:27,980 --> 00:43:30,060
All right, we got
five seconds left, guys.
734
00:43:30,140 --> 00:43:33,230
If you're about to
get tackled, lateral it
to the nearest guy.
735
00:43:33,310 --> 00:43:35,230
It's our only chance.
736
00:43:35,320 --> 00:43:38,030
All right, let's go now.
Come on, Beta on three.
737
00:43:38,110 --> 00:43:39,150
Beta on three.
Who's with me?
738
00:43:39,240 --> 00:43:41,740
One, two, three, Beta!
ALL: Beta!
739
00:43:50,120 --> 00:43:51,500
Down!
740
00:43:54,790 --> 00:43:57,050
Set!
741
00:44:10,730 --> 00:44:11,770
Hut!
742
00:44:12,940 --> 00:44:14,940
(MY HERO PLAYING)
743
00:44:46,430 --> 00:44:47,850
(WHOOPING)
744
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:54,310
(ALL CHEERING)
745
00:45:03,740 --> 00:45:04,860
(GROANING)
746
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:14,830
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
747
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:16,500
(ALL CHEERING)
748
00:45:18,290 --> 00:45:19,710
WOMAN: We kicked your ass!
749
00:45:19,800 --> 00:45:20,880
(CONTINUES GROANING)
750
00:45:21,630 --> 00:45:24,300
You're still my bitch,
Stifler.
751
00:45:26,300 --> 00:45:27,720
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
752
00:45:36,900 --> 00:45:39,270
I can't believe
we lost to midgets.
753
00:45:39,900 --> 00:45:42,780
Don't let those Oompa Loompa
bastards get to you.
754
00:45:43,070 --> 00:45:47,200
Right now, we have more
important matters to
tend to, gentlemen.
755
00:45:47,660 --> 00:45:49,870
From what I understand,
756
00:45:49,950 --> 00:45:53,200
my cousin has
a guilt-free pass
757
00:45:53,290 --> 00:45:56,620
to bang all the girls
he can find.
758
00:45:57,120 --> 00:45:58,500
That I do.
759
00:45:58,580 --> 00:46:01,420
Oh, that is good news.
760
00:46:02,630 --> 00:46:06,300
Christ, for a while
I was starting to
think you were adopted.
761
00:46:07,300 --> 00:46:09,220
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
762
00:46:15,940 --> 00:46:17,270
Gentlemen,
763
00:46:18,690 --> 00:46:22,570
welcome to paradise.
764
00:46:30,370 --> 00:46:31,910
Boys and girls,
765
00:46:31,990 --> 00:46:34,700
we have a celebrity
in our midst.
766
00:46:34,790 --> 00:46:38,580
The Heavyweight Drinking
Champion of the World,
767
00:46:38,670 --> 00:46:42,630
Dwight "Iron Liver" Stifler!
768
00:46:42,710 --> 00:46:44,260
(ALL CHEERING)
769
00:46:47,970 --> 00:46:48,970
ALL: Ooh!
770
00:46:51,010 --> 00:46:52,220
(WHOOPS)
771
00:46:52,720 --> 00:46:55,930
All right, you pussy-wipes,
I'm gonna go find
some lady friends.
772
00:46:56,020 --> 00:46:59,230
Try not to blow your wad
in the first minute, huh?
773
00:47:01,520 --> 00:47:05,110
There is no way Allison's
party was better than Jimmy's.
774
00:47:05,190 --> 00:47:07,240
You're nuts. Jimmy's
party had two kegs
775
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:10,660
and those two theater chicks
went down on each other
on the pool table
776
00:47:10,740 --> 00:47:12,370
in front of everybody.
777
00:47:12,450 --> 00:47:13,870
What the hell
are you two
talking about?
778
00:47:13,950 --> 00:47:15,040
What?
779
00:47:15,120 --> 00:47:18,210
Two kegs, theater chicks.
Well, guess what?
780
00:47:18,290 --> 00:47:21,170
We're in a college bar full of
unlimited booze and pussy,
781
00:47:21,250 --> 00:47:24,710
and we're sitting at the bar
talking about
high-school parties.
782
00:47:31,760 --> 00:47:35,260
Ryan? Ryan!
What's your problem?
783
00:47:35,350 --> 00:47:37,100
That Great Falls attitude.
784
00:47:37,180 --> 00:47:39,350
All you guys do is
talk about Great Falls
785
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,440
like it's the end-all
and be-all of existence.
786
00:47:41,520 --> 00:47:45,110
The place is a fucking trap,
which is why
I'm going to California.
787
00:47:45,190 --> 00:47:46,650
I'm not gonna get stuck like
the rest of them.
788
00:47:46,730 --> 00:47:48,110
Yeah, I know.
I think that's great.
789
00:47:48,190 --> 00:47:51,860
Yeah, but don't you see?
That's what this weekend
is about for me.
790
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:54,030
What do you mean?
To see if I can do it.
791
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:57,660
If I can start over
and accept being low man
on the totem pole.
792
00:47:57,750 --> 00:47:59,210
Ryan, it's just
a weekend, man.
793
00:47:59,290 --> 00:48:02,120
Maybe to you, but to me
it's a lot more than that.
794
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:06,340
Man, I sound like a chick.
795
00:48:07,550 --> 00:48:09,010
I really need to
go get some pussy.
796
00:48:09,090 --> 00:48:10,170
Yeah.
797
00:48:13,260 --> 00:48:14,350
Oh, shit.
798
00:48:14,430 --> 00:48:16,220
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.
799
00:48:16,430 --> 00:48:20,100
No, no, no, no. It's fine.
I can't believe I did that.
800
00:48:20,180 --> 00:48:21,600
Here, come with me.
801
00:48:24,310 --> 00:48:25,440
Quick, take off your shirt.
802
00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:26,690
Excuse me?
803
00:48:26,770 --> 00:48:29,240
Well, I just, I wanna
get the stain out.
Oh, yeah, right.
804
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:30,780
I knew that.
805
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:35,530
Are we allowed
to be back here?
806
00:48:35,620 --> 00:48:37,450
Oh, yeah, don't worry.
I used to bartend here.
807
00:48:37,540 --> 00:48:38,790
Cool.
808
00:48:39,330 --> 00:48:42,330
Look, I'm really, really
sorry about this. Right.
809
00:48:44,920 --> 00:48:46,590
Accidents happen.
810
00:48:47,170 --> 00:48:49,300
I'm Brandy, by the way.
I'm Erik.
811
00:48:49,380 --> 00:48:52,130
You know, any other
frat asshole would bite
my head off right now
812
00:48:52,220 --> 00:48:53,510
if I spilled a drink on him.
813
00:48:53,590 --> 00:48:54,640
Here.
I'm...
814
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,060
I'm not in a fraternity.
815
00:48:58,140 --> 00:49:00,220
Oh, you're not?
So you're independent?
816
00:49:00,310 --> 00:49:01,390
What's that?
817
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:03,390
You know, a student
who's not Greek.
818
00:49:03,980 --> 00:49:07,520
No, I'm just visiting
for the weekend.
I'm a senior in high school.
819
00:49:07,610 --> 00:49:08,730
High school?
820
00:49:08,820 --> 00:49:10,070
Yeah.
821
00:49:11,530 --> 00:49:12,990
(GIRLS LAUGHING)
822
00:49:13,070 --> 00:49:16,200
Really? Most girls slap me
or kick me in the balls
when I say that.
823
00:49:16,280 --> 00:49:18,200
Why? It's hysterical.
824
00:49:18,280 --> 00:49:20,660
That's what I say.
What are your names?
825
00:49:20,740 --> 00:49:22,580
I'm Jill and this is Alexis.
826
00:49:22,660 --> 00:49:25,330
Hey, this is
my buddy Ryan.
827
00:49:25,420 --> 00:49:26,880
Hey, Ryan.
Hey, Ryan.
828
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:28,340
Hey, ladies.
829
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:32,130
Amnesty International.
Is that some
kind of rock band?
830
00:49:33,340 --> 00:49:36,800
It's an organization
that works to protect human
rights all over the world.
831
00:49:36,890 --> 00:49:37,970
Oh, yeah.
832
00:49:38,050 --> 00:49:40,260
MAN: Hey, get away
from our dates.
833
00:49:41,100 --> 00:49:42,930
Down here, asshole.
834
00:49:43,430 --> 00:49:44,730
What the hell do you want?
835
00:49:44,810 --> 00:49:45,900
Just what he said.
836
00:49:45,980 --> 00:49:48,270
For you two to
get away from
our dates.
837
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:50,320
In your dreams, Willow.
838
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:53,400
There is no way these girls
are here with you.
839
00:49:55,450 --> 00:49:56,700
Are you?
840
00:49:59,030 --> 00:50:00,870
But why?
They're cool.
841
00:50:00,950 --> 00:50:02,120
And sexy.
842
00:50:02,830 --> 00:50:04,830
You gotta be
fucking kidding me.
843
00:50:04,910 --> 00:50:05,960
(GROANS)
844
00:50:06,040 --> 00:50:08,040
Ain't nobody kidding
around here, punk.
845
00:50:08,130 --> 00:50:10,340
If you got a problem,
we could settle
this right here.
846
00:50:10,420 --> 00:50:12,000
Oh, I would love to.
847
00:50:12,090 --> 00:50:13,960
Okay, stop it, you guys.
848
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:19,220
Listen, it was really nice
meeting you two, but we're
spoken for tonight.
849
00:50:20,100 --> 00:50:22,180
Come on, baby, let's dance.
850
00:50:33,190 --> 00:50:35,190
That did not
just happen.
851
00:50:39,870 --> 00:50:44,040
Time for a Stifler blowjob!
852
00:50:46,830 --> 00:50:51,750
Oh, get sexy, ladies,
I love it. Oh, I feel
a stirring in my loins.
853
00:50:57,050 --> 00:50:58,760
You've gotta meet my roommate.
854
00:51:00,590 --> 00:51:02,890
I would love to.
855
00:51:03,350 --> 00:51:06,140
Dude, the fucking midgets
just stole our women.
856
00:51:06,230 --> 00:51:07,600
RYAN: Yeah, those fuckers
are out of hand.
857
00:51:07,690 --> 00:51:12,440
I told you guys,
don't underestimate
those little bastards.
858
00:51:13,230 --> 00:51:16,650
That midget quarterback
stole my girlfriend last year.
859
00:51:18,950 --> 00:51:20,030
Slut!
860
00:51:20,110 --> 00:51:22,030
ROCK: Out of my goddamn way.
861
00:51:24,160 --> 00:51:25,700
Holy shit!
862
00:51:26,540 --> 00:51:30,120
I thought this place had
a no-loser policy. What are
you assholes doing here?
863
00:51:30,210 --> 00:51:31,630
Fuck off, Mighty Mouse.
864
00:51:31,710 --> 00:51:35,420
Man, don't take it out on me
because your ladies
like it short and thick,
865
00:51:35,500 --> 00:51:37,630
rather than tall and skinny.
866
00:51:37,720 --> 00:51:38,840
(LAUGHING)
867
00:51:40,800 --> 00:51:44,600
Rock, don't you know, baby?
This bar is like
a roller coaster.
868
00:51:44,720 --> 00:51:46,310
Yeah, it has
a height requirement,
869
00:51:46,390 --> 00:51:49,390
and I'm afraid
you just don't measure up!
870
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:50,520
Motherfucker.
871
00:51:52,150 --> 00:51:54,690
Easy! Easy! Easy!
872
00:51:54,770 --> 00:51:56,070
This isn't over, Shitler.
873
00:51:56,150 --> 00:51:58,030
Oh, you got that right!
874
00:51:59,780 --> 00:52:02,570
Never get in my way, woman.
875
00:52:10,830 --> 00:52:12,210
What's up?
876
00:52:17,340 --> 00:52:18,510
Bitch.
877
00:52:21,180 --> 00:52:22,300
BRANDY: (LAUGHING)
That did not happen.
878
00:52:22,380 --> 00:52:25,640
I swear to God, I was running
through the streets
with nylons on my head
879
00:52:25,720 --> 00:52:27,720
and the condom still on.
880
00:52:28,060 --> 00:52:29,730
I can't believe
I just told you
that story.
881
00:52:29,850 --> 00:52:31,230
I think it's great.
882
00:52:31,310 --> 00:52:34,900
I mean, think of it
this way, you'll never
forget your first time.
883
00:52:35,020 --> 00:52:36,650
Well, it wasn't...
884
00:52:36,900 --> 00:52:38,070
Technically...
885
00:52:38,150 --> 00:52:39,650
Oh, no, wait.
886
00:52:39,740 --> 00:52:42,070
You mean
you didn't even get to...
He came down too fast.
887
00:52:42,200 --> 00:52:43,320
Oh! (LAUGHING)
888
00:52:43,820 --> 00:52:47,080
Thank you. Thank you for
laughing at my misfortune.
889
00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:51,870
I think you're a sweetheart.
And you're really cute.
890
00:52:53,040 --> 00:52:54,420
This is me.
891
00:52:55,920 --> 00:52:57,800
So, are you guys
running the Mile tomorrow?
892
00:52:57,920 --> 00:53:01,420
I don't know.
There's something about
running naked down the street
893
00:53:01,550 --> 00:53:03,470
while you're still a virgin...
894
00:53:03,590 --> 00:53:05,010
Didn't stop you before.
895
00:53:05,090 --> 00:53:06,600
Touche.
896
00:53:06,930 --> 00:53:09,600
You never know,
that virgin thing,
897
00:53:10,270 --> 00:53:13,440
it could totally change
by the end of the weekend.
898
00:53:15,940 --> 00:53:17,610
Thanks for walking me home.
899
00:53:38,920 --> 00:53:39,920
(GROANS)
900
00:53:40,000 --> 00:53:42,840
What the hell
happened to you
last night?
901
00:53:44,010 --> 00:53:45,180
What's up, fellas?
902
00:53:45,300 --> 00:53:46,470
What's up?
903
00:53:46,590 --> 00:53:48,640
What's up is
we got cock-blocked
904
00:53:48,720 --> 00:53:50,140
by some midgets at the bar.
905
00:53:50,260 --> 00:53:53,310
Cooze, never mind that.
Where the hell were you?
906
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:58,150
Well, Mother,
if you must know,
I was with a girl.
907
00:53:59,060 --> 00:54:00,070
Ooh.
908
00:54:00,770 --> 00:54:01,780
Mmm.
909
00:54:01,860 --> 00:54:03,570
Bullshit. What girl?
910
00:54:03,650 --> 00:54:06,240
Her name is Brandy.
She's in a sorority
and she's hot,
911
00:54:06,320 --> 00:54:08,780
and I'm supposed to meet her
at the Mile tonight.
912
00:54:09,490 --> 00:54:11,290
Dude, I don't get it.
913
00:54:11,450 --> 00:54:15,710
We come to college,
we get blown off
by chicks for midgets,
914
00:54:15,830 --> 00:54:18,670
and you're hanging out with
a sorority girl?
915
00:54:18,790 --> 00:54:21,170
What the fuck
is going on here?
916
00:54:21,550 --> 00:54:23,960
So, what are you gonna do?
917
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,840
What do you mean?
He's gonna bang that chick.
918
00:54:29,510 --> 00:54:30,800
Aren't you?
919
00:54:30,890 --> 00:54:32,180
What?
920
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:35,810
Yeah.
921
00:54:36,020 --> 00:54:39,730
Yeah, of course I will.
I'm on a guilt-free pass,
why wouldn't I?
922
00:54:39,860 --> 00:54:41,820
Why the hesitation, man?
923
00:54:41,900 --> 00:54:42,900
(GROANS)
924
00:54:42,980 --> 00:54:45,860
Oh, shit!
You're not gonna do it.
I said I'll do it.
925
00:54:45,990 --> 00:54:49,700
Erik, you've been given a gift
from above. Don't fuck it up.
926
00:54:49,820 --> 00:54:50,910
I won't.
927
00:54:51,030 --> 00:54:52,120
Yes, you will.
928
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:53,240
No.
929
00:54:53,990 --> 00:54:56,210
I... I gotta get out of here.
930
00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:18,690
(PHONE RINGING)
Hello?
931
00:55:18,770 --> 00:55:20,400
ERIK: Hey, it's me.
932
00:55:22,440 --> 00:55:24,270
Calling to see
how you're doing.
933
00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:25,610
I'm fine,
934
00:55:25,730 --> 00:55:27,860
I'm just studying.
Oh. Okay.
935
00:55:29,570 --> 00:55:30,570
Cool.
936
00:55:30,700 --> 00:55:33,950
So, did you guys decide
if you're gonna run
in the Naked Mile?
937
00:55:34,700 --> 00:55:38,210
No, not yet. But you know me,
I'll probably just wimp out.
938
00:55:38,460 --> 00:55:40,080
I mean, you don't have to.
939
00:55:40,870 --> 00:55:42,210
Yeah, I know.
940
00:55:42,920 --> 00:55:45,380
Are you okay?
I mean, you sound
a little weird.
941
00:55:45,920 --> 00:55:47,210
I'm fine.
942
00:55:48,260 --> 00:55:50,760
I'm fine.
I just wanted to call
and say hello.
943
00:55:50,880 --> 00:55:55,510
Thanks, but you don't
need to check in.
I mean, go, have fun.
944
00:55:55,600 --> 00:55:57,980
That's what this weekend's
all about.
945
00:55:59,390 --> 00:56:00,600
You're the greatest.
946
00:56:12,660 --> 00:56:14,120
Erik Stifler.
947
00:56:17,620 --> 00:56:20,040
Hey, Mr. Levenstein.
Hello, Erik, good to see you.
948
00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:23,750
Yeah. Wow, I haven't seen you
since my parents'
New Year's party, right?
949
00:56:23,830 --> 00:56:27,630
Yes, well, your folks really,
really know how to
ring in the new year.
950
00:56:27,750 --> 00:56:31,590
Look, I'm sorry about
my dad giving you that
wedgie in front of everybody.
951
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:34,970
Well, your dad's been doing
that to me since we were kids,
952
00:56:35,100 --> 00:56:37,510
and strangely enough,
I enjoy it.
953
00:56:40,810 --> 00:56:43,150
So, what are you
doing up here?
954
00:56:44,310 --> 00:56:46,940
Oh, well,
I went to school here
955
00:56:47,020 --> 00:56:50,820
and, you know, I like to come
back every now and then
956
00:56:51,320 --> 00:56:52,740
and check out the campus.
957
00:56:52,820 --> 00:56:57,030
That's the only reason
I'm here. No other reason
that I can think of.
958
00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,950
And what about you?
What are you doing here?
959
00:57:00,450 --> 00:57:02,500
Actually,
it's kind of personal.
960
00:57:02,620 --> 00:57:04,920
Oh. Well, say no more.
Okay.
961
00:57:05,000 --> 00:57:06,170
Okay, listen,
good seeing you.
962
00:57:06,290 --> 00:57:08,000
Yeah, for sure.
963
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:16,050
Actually, Mr. Levenstein,
you were a counselor
964
00:57:16,180 --> 00:57:18,350
at Tall Oaks Band Camp
with my cousin Matt, right?
965
00:57:18,470 --> 00:57:21,890
Yes. Yes, I was.
And your cousin Matt
needed some counseling...
966
00:57:22,020 --> 00:57:25,770
Yeah.
I might add.
I gave him some advice.
967
00:57:25,850 --> 00:57:28,860
Advice. (CLEARS THROAT)
Do you think I could
968
00:57:31,360 --> 00:57:33,360
confide something in you?
969
00:57:33,650 --> 00:57:36,450
Well, sure.
Yes, Erik, anything.
Anything.
970
00:57:36,530 --> 00:57:37,700
Okay.
971
00:57:38,580 --> 00:57:39,620
I'm a virgin.
972
00:57:39,700 --> 00:57:41,040
Okay, can I stop you there?
973
00:57:41,160 --> 00:57:44,330
You're a Stifler and a virgin?
974
00:57:45,870 --> 00:57:47,000
Yeah.
975
00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:52,380
Well, so you're a virgin.
What's the big deal?
976
00:57:53,170 --> 00:57:57,720
Well, the other night,
my girlfriend and I...
We tried to, you know...
977
00:57:59,850 --> 00:58:01,220
Right. But her father
978
00:58:01,310 --> 00:58:03,310
came down before
we had the chance to.
979
00:58:03,390 --> 00:58:05,730
So she changed her mind
completely about the sex,
980
00:58:05,850 --> 00:58:08,900
but she gave me a guilt-free
pass for the weekend.
981
00:58:09,020 --> 00:58:11,360
You got the guilt-free pass?
982
00:58:12,940 --> 00:58:14,570
What do you mean?
983
00:58:14,860 --> 00:58:19,780
Well, I mean,
you've got the old
guilt-free pass dilemma.
984
00:58:20,030 --> 00:58:21,660
Yeah.
It's a tough one.
985
00:58:21,740 --> 00:58:23,950
I didn't think people your age
knew about that kind of stuff.
986
00:58:24,080 --> 00:58:27,120
I believe I know more
about this than you think.
987
00:58:28,750 --> 00:58:31,500
Good, because I just
don't know what to do here.
988
00:58:31,590 --> 00:58:35,260
I mean, I've got this
smoking-hot sorority girl
all over me.
989
00:58:36,380 --> 00:58:39,510
Well, you know, my son Jim
990
00:58:39,590 --> 00:58:41,810
went through kind of
a similar dilemma.
991
00:58:41,930 --> 00:58:43,770
He was going out
with this very attractive
992
00:58:43,890 --> 00:58:45,810
foreign-exchange student
named Nadia.
993
00:58:45,930 --> 00:58:49,310
Right, right, yeah. That's
the one he blew his load
too early with, right?
994
00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:50,520
Yes.
Twice.
995
00:58:50,610 --> 00:58:51,940
Yes.
Over the Internet.
996
00:58:52,070 --> 00:58:53,690
That's the one.
Yeah.
997
00:58:53,780 --> 00:58:57,110
Well, blowing loads aside...
998
00:58:57,240 --> 00:58:58,280
Yeah.
999
00:58:58,410 --> 00:59:00,700
The next summer Nadia came
to visit Jim at the beach,
1000
00:59:00,780 --> 00:59:02,240
and he turned her down
1001
00:59:02,330 --> 00:59:05,750
because he had fallen in love
with Michelle,
1002
00:59:06,580 --> 00:59:10,580
who he later married,
and is now
the mother of my grandchild.
1003
00:59:11,840 --> 00:59:15,630
So you're saying
I shouldn't hook up
with this sorority girl?
1004
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:19,130
I'm saying I think only
you know the answer
to that, Erik.
1005
00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:23,310
Well, gotta run.
1006
00:59:26,350 --> 00:59:30,020
Oh, Erik, I was sorry to hear
about your grandmother.
1007
00:59:49,160 --> 00:59:51,040
Last night was amazing.
1008
00:59:51,630 --> 00:59:53,630
Yeah, it was.
1009
00:59:53,710 --> 00:59:56,670
The three of us should
do it again sometime.
1010
00:59:57,010 --> 00:59:58,380
Definitely.
1011
01:00:00,680 --> 01:00:02,050
Definitely.
1012
01:00:09,350 --> 01:00:12,980
Hey, buddy.
You know how to get
to Murray Street?
1013
01:00:13,060 --> 01:00:15,520
Oh, yeah, man.
Just go right down
Maryland Avenue...
1014
01:00:17,190 --> 01:00:18,650
What the...
1015
01:00:20,570 --> 01:00:22,030
What is this?
Enter the Midget?
1016
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:24,830
It's little people, asshole.
1017
01:00:26,410 --> 01:00:28,160
Come get some.
1018
01:00:29,200 --> 01:00:31,500
Come get some, baby!
1019
01:00:32,000 --> 01:00:33,380
(SCREAMING)
1020
01:00:39,840 --> 01:00:41,590
(PANTING)
1021
01:00:41,760 --> 01:00:43,640
Midgets jumped Stifler.
1022
01:00:43,720 --> 01:00:45,010
ALL: What?
1023
01:00:46,010 --> 01:00:48,180
The midgets jumped Stifler.
1024
01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:50,390
He's in
the hospital right now.
1025
01:00:55,270 --> 01:00:56,610
Oh, shit.
1026
01:00:56,730 --> 01:00:58,440
Holy shit.
1027
01:00:59,440 --> 01:01:01,360
Man, he is fucked up.
1028
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:03,740
First Grandma,
and now this.
1029
01:01:03,860 --> 01:01:05,200
All right, we gotta get
those fucking midgets.
1030
01:01:05,280 --> 01:01:06,370
Yeah, man.
1031
01:01:06,450 --> 01:01:09,950
Jesus, Ryan, keep it down,
will you? I got
a huge fucking headache.
1032
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:12,210
We thought
this guy was you.
1033
01:01:13,250 --> 01:01:14,540
Fuck, no.
1034
01:01:15,420 --> 01:01:16,710
I don't know
what happened to that pussy.
1035
01:01:17,630 --> 01:01:19,590
Hey, man,
what the hell happened?
1036
01:01:19,710 --> 01:01:23,430
Rock and his boys jumped me,
wearing all black
and ski masks.
1037
01:01:23,550 --> 01:01:24,930
Like I wouldn't know
it was them.
1038
01:01:25,050 --> 01:01:28,310
Are you all right?
Are you gonna be able
to run in the Mile?
1039
01:01:28,430 --> 01:01:29,720
Doesn't look like it.
1040
01:01:30,310 --> 01:01:33,810
Doc says the Stif-man's
gonna be laid up for at least
a couple of more days.
1041
01:01:33,940 --> 01:01:36,150
Hey, don't worry.
We will find
those little fuckers.
1042
01:01:36,270 --> 01:01:41,110
No. I appreciate it, okay?
Stifler'll think of something.
1043
01:01:41,780 --> 01:01:45,280
Now you guys are up here
to do two things. Have fun,
1044
01:01:45,410 --> 01:01:47,410
and run naked
1045
01:01:47,490 --> 01:01:51,450
with hundreds of hot,
big-breasted, horny women.
1046
01:01:51,580 --> 01:01:52,750
You understand?
1047
01:01:52,830 --> 01:01:53,960
ALL: Yeah.
1048
01:01:54,080 --> 01:01:57,790
Good. Now get the fuck out of
here so I can get some sleep.
1049
01:02:02,840 --> 01:02:05,340
Hey, Erik, stick around
for a second.
1050
01:02:05,470 --> 01:02:06,470
Yeah.
1051
01:02:07,640 --> 01:02:09,850
Listen, I know
what you're going through.
1052
01:02:10,470 --> 01:02:13,480
You do?
Sure, yeah.
I had the same problem
1053
01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:15,810
when I was in middle school.
1054
01:02:16,310 --> 01:02:19,610
But living up to
the family name is
not an easy thing, man.
1055
01:02:19,690 --> 01:02:22,320
Yeah. What did you do?
1056
01:02:24,440 --> 01:02:28,200
Well, I whipped out
my dick in class,
stole the principal's car,
1057
01:02:28,320 --> 01:02:29,870
and then I fucked
a lunch lady.
1058
01:02:30,490 --> 01:02:31,530
Oh.
1059
01:02:31,990 --> 01:02:33,500
But, hey, that's me.
1060
01:02:34,370 --> 01:02:36,370
What do you think I should do?
1061
01:02:36,500 --> 01:02:41,040
It's not for me to decide or
advise. You gotta figure
that out on your own.
1062
01:02:41,290 --> 01:02:44,970
But I will say this.
We got a
pretty fucked-up family,
1063
01:02:45,670 --> 01:02:48,180
and it's nice having a guy
like you around.
1064
01:02:51,680 --> 01:02:53,350
Now, seriously, go.
1065
01:02:57,690 --> 01:02:59,520
(STUDENTS CHATTERING)
1066
01:03:04,530 --> 01:03:06,440
All I have to say is,
1067
01:03:06,530 --> 01:03:09,910
thank you, Dad,
for getting my dumb ass
into this school.
1068
01:03:15,830 --> 01:03:19,370
Gentlemen, we have officially
arrived at our destination.
1069
01:03:29,590 --> 01:03:31,930
ROCK: Look who decided
to show up.
1070
01:03:32,050 --> 01:03:34,140
I didn't think you guys
would have the balls for this.
1071
01:03:34,220 --> 01:03:35,390
I guess I was right.
1072
01:03:35,680 --> 01:03:38,730
Check it out.
They still got
their clothes on.
1073
01:03:39,060 --> 01:03:40,060
(LAUGHING)
1074
01:03:42,110 --> 01:03:46,570
Where is old Shitler? I guess
the king of the Naked Mile
didn't make it this year.
1075
01:03:48,110 --> 01:03:51,450
Nobody starts this fucking
Naked Mile without me!
1076
01:03:52,070 --> 01:03:53,580
(ALL CHEERING)
1077
01:03:57,450 --> 01:03:58,460
(MOUTHING)
1078
01:04:02,080 --> 01:04:03,540
Hello, my loyal subjects.
1079
01:04:03,630 --> 01:04:07,710
The king has arrived!
Bring out your titties!
1080
01:04:10,760 --> 01:04:14,680
You really think that little
beating you gave me
could keep me away?
1081
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:17,810
You and the Lollypop Guild
punch like
a bunch of 5-year-olds.
1082
01:04:17,930 --> 01:04:20,640
This is my fucking school.
1083
01:04:26,230 --> 01:04:29,280
Right, screw those guys.
We're here to have fun, right?
1084
01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:31,780
Oh, fucking-A-right,
we're here to have some fun.
1085
01:04:33,110 --> 01:04:36,660
Hey, why the hell do you guys
still have your clothes on?
1086
01:04:37,450 --> 01:04:39,200
Listen, Stifler,
we were talking
and...
1087
01:04:39,290 --> 01:04:41,460
Hey, Stifler.
I like your IVs.
1088
01:04:43,170 --> 01:04:44,210
DWIGHT: Hello, ladies.
1089
01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:48,130
Looking sexy as always.
1090
01:04:48,250 --> 01:04:49,840
Heard you were
in the hospital.
1091
01:04:50,420 --> 01:04:52,840
Just a little beating
by a bunch of midgets.
1092
01:04:52,970 --> 01:04:54,340
Hey, Cooze.
1093
01:04:54,470 --> 01:04:58,180
Jill the Thrill.
Back on the Cooze radar.
1094
01:04:59,020 --> 01:05:00,680
(IMITATING RADAR BEEPING)
1095
01:05:02,940 --> 01:05:04,020
Hey, Erik.
1096
01:05:04,770 --> 01:05:05,810
Hey, Brandy.
1097
01:05:06,110 --> 01:05:07,770
Ryan.
Alexis.
1098
01:05:07,860 --> 01:05:10,110
So, you ladies ready
to run this Mile
1099
01:05:10,190 --> 01:05:13,360
and get extra fucking sexy?
1100
01:05:13,530 --> 01:05:14,660
ALL: Hell, yeah!
1101
01:05:14,780 --> 01:05:16,280
What about you guys?
1102
01:05:16,370 --> 01:05:18,330
Yeah, what are you guys
doing still dressed?
1103
01:05:18,620 --> 01:05:20,750
Well, we figured
we'd just watch the Mile
1104
01:05:20,830 --> 01:05:22,460
and then meet you guys
at the party afterwards.
1105
01:05:22,540 --> 01:05:26,170
That's too bad 'cause this
Naked Mile is gonna be crazy.
1106
01:05:26,330 --> 01:05:28,840
Really crazy. Right, Brandy?
1107
01:05:28,960 --> 01:05:30,460
Absolutely out of control.
1108
01:05:47,520 --> 01:05:50,440
Yeah! That's what
I'm fucking talking about,
boys.
1109
01:05:50,530 --> 01:05:53,820
Set the cocks free!
1110
01:05:53,900 --> 01:05:56,240
Let's huddle up over here.
Come on, fellas.
1111
01:05:57,530 --> 01:05:58,580
Cock huddle.
1112
01:05:58,830 --> 01:06:00,160
All right, bitch tits.
1113
01:06:00,740 --> 01:06:02,910
I got a little surprise
for you fuckers.
1114
01:06:03,040 --> 01:06:04,040
What do you got?
1115
01:06:05,250 --> 01:06:08,500
Just a little pharmaceutical
delight for later.
1116
01:06:09,540 --> 01:06:12,130
JACKSON: Stifler!
You uncircumcised twat!
1117
01:06:12,210 --> 01:06:14,630
Jackson, you little-dicked
motherfucker.
1118
01:06:14,720 --> 01:06:15,800
What is this?
1119
01:06:15,880 --> 01:06:17,260
It looks like some kind of E.
1120
01:06:17,390 --> 01:06:19,600
Should we take it now?
He said save it for later.
1121
01:06:19,720 --> 01:06:22,060
Fuck that! I'm about to run
naked through the streets.
1122
01:06:22,220 --> 01:06:24,230
I need all the drug-induced
courage I can get.
1123
01:06:27,100 --> 01:06:28,860
I'm so glad you guys
decided to run.
1124
01:06:28,940 --> 01:06:30,690
You must work out.
1125
01:06:30,770 --> 01:06:32,900
Yeah, well, I play football.
1126
01:06:33,030 --> 01:06:35,070
Mmm. I love football players.
1127
01:06:35,240 --> 01:06:37,240
Did anybody ever tell you
that you have a nice ass?
1128
01:06:38,240 --> 01:06:39,280
That guy's a prick!
1129
01:06:39,740 --> 01:06:42,200
Hey, Stifler, is this supposed
to be some pretty good E?
1130
01:06:42,580 --> 01:06:43,700
What E?
1131
01:06:44,200 --> 01:06:45,910
The pills you gave us.
1132
01:06:46,920 --> 01:06:48,420
Oh, shit! You retards.
1133
01:06:48,580 --> 01:06:51,750
That's not E.
It's that fucking
four-hour hard-on drug.
1134
01:06:51,920 --> 01:06:53,800
Oh, shit.
DWIGHT: I scored some
at the hospital.
1135
01:06:53,920 --> 01:06:56,380
I thought you limp-dicked
bitches could use some.
1136
01:06:56,720 --> 01:06:58,590
Oh, God.
Holy fuck, you didn't...
1137
01:06:58,720 --> 01:07:00,260
Holy shit!
1138
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:04,810
I don't think I can talk
this one down, man.
It's got a mind of its own.
1139
01:07:04,970 --> 01:07:07,600
Hey, do not run
behind me. Okay?
1140
01:07:08,270 --> 01:07:10,810
It's... It's just that we
thought that it was...
1141
01:07:10,940 --> 01:07:13,190
Honey, don't apologize.
1142
01:07:13,270 --> 01:07:15,360
Yeah, you guys are
running with us.
1143
01:07:15,440 --> 01:07:19,610
Oh, man! This is going to be
the best Naked Mile ever!
1144
01:07:19,700 --> 01:07:21,570
(FEEDBACK SCREECHING)
(ALL GROANING)
1145
01:07:23,740 --> 01:07:25,080
(BEEPING)
1146
01:07:25,160 --> 01:07:26,250
Who is that guy?
1147
01:07:26,330 --> 01:07:29,210
That is big, bad
Noah Levenstein.
1148
01:07:29,290 --> 01:07:30,290
(CHUCKLING)
1149
01:07:31,080 --> 01:07:35,130
The craziest bastard
this campus has ever known.
1150
01:07:35,260 --> 01:07:36,840
My bad. My bad. Welcome to
the Naked Mile.
1151
01:07:36,970 --> 01:07:38,470
(ALL CHEERING)
1152
01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:45,180
Yes, you know,
when I started
this race many, many...
1153
01:07:45,310 --> 01:07:47,270
Christ, he started this whole
thing back in the '60s.
1154
01:07:47,350 --> 01:07:50,520
...many years ago.
It was just...
Just a passive protest.
1155
01:07:50,810 --> 01:07:54,940
Just a way to "stick it
to the man, " so to speak.
1156
01:07:56,320 --> 01:07:58,110
Right on. Right on.
1157
01:07:58,650 --> 01:08:02,530
But over the years,
it's become somewhat
less political.
1158
01:08:02,700 --> 01:08:05,990
And now, it's just
1159
01:08:06,120 --> 01:08:08,790
some sort of Roman orgy,
1160
01:08:09,000 --> 01:08:11,830
which I'm down with,
by the way.
(ALL LAUGHING)
1161
01:08:12,210 --> 01:08:14,460
But let's keep
one thing in mind.
1162
01:08:14,710 --> 01:08:19,170
This is about
showing the world
your youthful exuberance,
1163
01:08:19,380 --> 01:08:22,800
and your unabashed commitment
to higher learning,
1164
01:08:22,890 --> 01:08:25,350
and having fun
while you're doing it,
1165
01:08:25,470 --> 01:08:29,430
which is where
the naked part comes in.
1166
01:08:29,520 --> 01:08:31,190
ALL: Yeah!
1167
01:08:35,150 --> 01:08:38,150
And being completely naked
is, of course,
1168
01:08:38,230 --> 01:08:40,320
a perfectly natural thing.
1169
01:08:40,490 --> 01:08:44,160
There's not one part
of one's body
1170
01:08:44,240 --> 01:08:46,450
one should be ashamed of,
1171
01:08:46,530 --> 01:08:51,210
be it one's pubic region
1172
01:08:51,370 --> 01:08:53,670
or one's breasts,
1173
01:08:54,000 --> 01:08:56,170
as in the case with
you young ladies...
1174
01:08:56,380 --> 01:08:57,880
(ALL CHEERING)
1175
01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:04,180
And a couple of you young men.
1176
01:09:06,680 --> 01:09:09,930
But you should all just revel
in the glory of being seen
1177
01:09:10,180 --> 01:09:12,270
as the people you are.
1178
01:09:12,520 --> 01:09:14,020
Incidentally, if anyone has
anything...
1179
01:09:14,100 --> 01:09:16,110
Come on,
let's fucking do this!
1180
01:09:16,190 --> 01:09:17,270
(ALL CHEERING)
1181
01:09:19,570 --> 01:09:21,280
I second that motion,
young man.
1182
01:09:21,570 --> 01:09:24,110
Okay, everybody ready?
1183
01:09:26,240 --> 01:09:27,910
Get set...
1184
01:09:28,620 --> 01:09:29,620
(GUN FIRES)
1185
01:09:57,650 --> 01:09:58,980
Still going?
1186
01:09:59,110 --> 01:10:00,940
You know it, baby. Hell, yeah!
1187
01:10:01,980 --> 01:10:03,900
You love the Boss Hogg!
1188
01:10:05,780 --> 01:10:07,280
(WHOOPING)
1189
01:10:20,920 --> 01:10:24,380
All right, yeah. Look at this.
Look at all these teats.
1190
01:10:24,470 --> 01:10:28,850
I'm adrift in a sea
of boobies, and my balls
are scraping the pavement.
1191
01:10:28,970 --> 01:10:30,010
Oh, heads-up.
1192
01:10:33,850 --> 01:10:35,770
WOMAN:
Look, it's the boner guys.
1193
01:10:36,980 --> 01:10:38,650
Nice cocks.
1194
01:10:38,770 --> 01:10:40,690
Oh, you got that right, sexy.
1195
01:10:40,820 --> 01:10:42,860
Dude, you have serious issues.
1196
01:11:25,900 --> 01:11:28,110
Hey, naked people only!
1197
01:11:58,730 --> 01:11:59,730
(GROANS)
1198
01:12:02,270 --> 01:12:03,940
Are you all right?
1199
01:12:04,070 --> 01:12:05,530
I'm fine.
1200
01:12:05,730 --> 01:12:07,780
Come on, sweetie.
Let's finish this thing.
1201
01:12:17,410 --> 01:12:20,830
I'm standing at the finish
line of a very proud,
but strange tradition
1202
01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:22,120
called the Naked Mile.
1203
01:12:22,250 --> 01:12:23,580
Ever year after exams
1204
01:12:23,710 --> 01:12:26,050
hundreds of students
run a mile through campus
1205
01:12:26,130 --> 01:12:28,210
in nothing more than
their birthday suits.
1206
01:12:29,760 --> 01:12:31,300
(LAUGHING)
1207
01:12:32,430 --> 01:12:35,510
This is
the greatest thing ever!
1208
01:12:35,600 --> 01:12:37,640
Hell, yeah!
1209
01:12:37,770 --> 01:12:39,890
I can't believe we did this!
1210
01:12:40,100 --> 01:12:43,400
Yeah! Naked Mile, baby!
1211
01:12:43,810 --> 01:12:45,980
Beta House fucking rules!
1212
01:12:52,910 --> 01:12:56,950
Come on, marathon men.
Let's get ready for the party.
1213
01:12:58,410 --> 01:13:00,410
I did it. I really did it.
1214
01:13:02,120 --> 01:13:05,080
Way to go, cuz.
That's my cousin.
1215
01:13:09,090 --> 01:13:11,090
Some people call it
lewd behavior,
1216
01:13:11,260 --> 01:13:14,140
but the students say it's just
a good way to blow off steam.
1217
01:13:14,430 --> 01:13:15,510
And maybe,
1218
01:13:19,640 --> 01:13:20,980
find love.
1219
01:13:21,310 --> 01:13:23,850
This is Hal Michaels,
reporting from the Naked Mile.
1220
01:13:34,660 --> 01:13:36,700
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1221
01:14:00,310 --> 01:14:03,140
Stifler has arrived!
(ALL CHEERING)
1222
01:14:09,860 --> 01:14:11,530
(HOWLING)
1223
01:14:12,150 --> 01:14:13,860
Yeah! Yeah!
1224
01:14:15,150 --> 01:14:18,030
Holy shit! Is this even
the same house?
1225
01:14:22,200 --> 01:14:25,000
I think I had a wet dream
that started like this.
1226
01:14:25,370 --> 01:14:26,670
It's those guys.
1227
01:14:31,920 --> 01:14:33,130
And ended like that.
1228
01:14:33,210 --> 01:14:34,550
ERIK: Wow, taking those pills
1229
01:14:34,670 --> 01:14:37,640
might just be the best thing
you guys ever did
for your social lives.
1230
01:14:37,720 --> 01:14:38,890
Oh, yeah.
1231
01:14:39,260 --> 01:14:40,390
You wanna dance?
1232
01:14:41,180 --> 01:14:44,730
Is my dick hard? Of course
the Cooze wants to dance.
1233
01:14:44,850 --> 01:14:46,190
(WHOOPS)
(GRUNTS)
1234
01:14:47,690 --> 01:14:49,230
Are you gonna dance, sexy?
1235
01:14:49,360 --> 01:14:51,730
Or are you one of
those football players
who's too cool to dance?
1236
01:14:51,860 --> 01:14:54,940
Oh, baby, they don't call me
the White Shadow for nothing.
1237
01:15:00,570 --> 01:15:02,080
Come on, cutie.
1238
01:15:02,740 --> 01:15:04,080
What a bastard.
1239
01:15:04,200 --> 01:15:07,420
I told you to call off
that stupid guilt-free pass.
1240
01:15:07,920 --> 01:15:10,080
I'm so sorry, honey.
1241
01:15:10,380 --> 01:15:12,250
Is there anything
we can do for you?
1242
01:15:12,800 --> 01:15:14,880
No, I think I just want
to be alone.
1243
01:15:14,960 --> 01:15:18,130
No way. We are not
leaving you alone so you
can beat yourself up.
1244
01:15:18,260 --> 01:15:21,010
Yeah, but I told him to do it.
I mean, I can't get
mad about it now.
1245
01:15:21,100 --> 01:15:24,060
Would you quit
being so logical,
Tracy? We're girls.
1246
01:15:24,140 --> 01:15:26,430
Boys should know better
than to trust us
to be rational.
1247
01:15:26,560 --> 01:15:27,600
It's not in our nature.
1248
01:15:27,730 --> 01:15:29,310
It's really not.
1249
01:15:29,440 --> 01:15:33,110
So, you are going to
get dressed.
1250
01:15:33,230 --> 01:15:34,940
Then, we're going
to Allison's party.
1251
01:15:35,570 --> 01:15:37,780
That will get your mind
off of Erik.
1252
01:15:37,900 --> 01:15:39,530
I don't want to.
1253
01:15:39,610 --> 01:15:43,080
Well, you don't have a vote
in this. Now get dressed.
1254
01:15:55,340 --> 01:15:58,590
Check out our boy. Think
he's going to lose it tonight?
1255
01:15:58,670 --> 01:16:02,550
Nope. Bet he screws it up
and ends up jerking off
in the bathroom.
1256
01:16:02,640 --> 01:16:04,220
I'll bet 20 bucks says
he nails her.
1257
01:16:04,310 --> 01:16:05,390
(SCOFFS)
1258
01:16:05,470 --> 01:16:06,680
Oh, you're on.
1259
01:16:10,020 --> 01:16:12,020
Hey, hard-on brothers.
1260
01:16:12,150 --> 01:16:15,520
Do you guys have any idea
how much everybody here
has been talking about you?
1261
01:16:15,650 --> 01:16:17,230
I was getting that feeling.
1262
01:16:17,320 --> 01:16:18,440
Yeah!
1263
01:16:19,490 --> 01:16:21,950
Okay, listen up,
'cause I got a plan
1264
01:16:22,030 --> 01:16:25,990
that's gonna make
you guys legends.
1265
01:16:32,210 --> 01:16:34,000
Ladies and gentlemen!
1266
01:16:34,290 --> 01:16:38,670
Give a big Beta House welcome
to Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
1267
01:16:39,010 --> 01:16:43,800
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1268
01:16:43,890 --> 01:16:45,760
Yeah, Cooze!
1269
01:16:45,850 --> 01:16:47,350
(ALL CHEERING)
1270
01:16:49,680 --> 01:16:53,100
Tonight is the dawning
of a new era
1271
01:16:53,190 --> 01:16:55,310
in meaningless
male competition.
1272
01:16:55,400 --> 01:17:00,360
The Heavyweight Hard-On
Championship of the World!
1273
01:17:05,570 --> 01:17:08,080
For the first phase
of the competition,
1274
01:17:08,200 --> 01:17:11,620
a bucket will be
hung on the dong
of each of our contestants.
1275
01:17:11,710 --> 01:17:15,040
That bucket will be filled
with a pitcher of beer.
1276
01:17:15,170 --> 01:17:19,090
First person to drop
the bucket is the loser.
1277
01:17:19,210 --> 01:17:20,550
(ALL BOOING)
1278
01:17:20,840 --> 01:17:22,880
So let the penis games begin!
1279
01:17:25,510 --> 01:17:26,510
Ahh!
1280
01:17:34,690 --> 01:17:38,020
Commence the pouring!
1281
01:17:40,440 --> 01:17:41,610
(BOTH EXCLAIMING)
1282
01:17:44,240 --> 01:17:45,360
You like that?
1283
01:17:45,450 --> 01:17:46,910
Oh, yeah, baby!
1284
01:17:51,200 --> 01:17:52,660
(MOANING)
1285
01:18:05,090 --> 01:18:08,390
Oh, I am so sorry about that!
1286
01:18:08,510 --> 01:18:09,890
(BOTH LAUGHING)
1287
01:18:12,100 --> 01:18:13,480
Still good.
1288
01:18:13,560 --> 01:18:14,640
(ALL CHEERING)
1289
01:18:30,780 --> 01:18:33,000
Next competition.
1290
01:18:35,410 --> 01:18:37,370
The ring toss.
1291
01:18:37,920 --> 01:18:39,790
Let's have it, girls.
Come on.
1292
01:18:44,300 --> 01:18:46,630
That's right! On that penis!
1293
01:18:46,760 --> 01:18:48,760
Come on, baby,
just like Six Flags.
1294
01:18:49,140 --> 01:18:50,140
ALL: Aww!
1295
01:18:51,810 --> 01:18:53,220
Wrong head!
1296
01:18:54,140 --> 01:18:55,140
Ow!
1297
01:18:57,480 --> 01:18:59,310
Ring around the cocksy.
1298
01:19:01,320 --> 01:19:03,480
You needed an extra inch
on that one.
1299
01:19:13,160 --> 01:19:14,750
Can you believe this?
1300
01:19:15,660 --> 01:19:17,330
Do not let Cooze win.
1301
01:19:21,840 --> 01:19:23,800
Next competition!
1302
01:19:30,180 --> 01:19:32,510
I got a nine-inch strike zone,
baby.
1303
01:19:32,640 --> 01:19:35,180
You cocky prick.
You can't miss it!
1304
01:19:40,980 --> 01:19:42,440
It's a hardball, son!
1305
01:19:42,520 --> 01:19:43,980
Hey, boner, boner, boner.
1306
01:19:44,530 --> 01:19:45,860
Swing, boner!
1307
01:19:45,940 --> 01:19:47,490
Deep center, baby!
1308
01:19:53,200 --> 01:19:54,950
Foul ball!
1309
01:20:09,130 --> 01:20:10,180
Bunt.
1310
01:20:20,850 --> 01:20:23,650
That is it.
We're calling it a tie.
1311
01:20:23,730 --> 01:20:26,400
Your Co-Hard-On Champions
of the World,
1312
01:20:26,480 --> 01:20:30,240
Ryan "Steel Rod" Grimm
and Mike "Everhard" Coozeman!
1313
01:20:30,490 --> 01:20:32,070
(ALL CHEERING)
1314
01:20:46,920 --> 01:20:51,430
Fifty-six, 57, 58, 59...
1315
01:20:56,720 --> 01:20:59,180
Who's the fuckin' champ, baby?
1316
01:22:18,180 --> 01:22:19,680
BROOKE: Boys are
a bad influence.
1317
01:22:19,810 --> 01:22:23,100
I mean, you have no idea
what he's doing
or who he's doing it with.
1318
01:22:23,180 --> 01:22:26,020
This guilt-free pass thing?
Completely ridiculous.
1319
01:22:26,100 --> 01:22:30,020
The bottom line is this.
You two will never be
on the same level again.
1320
01:22:30,110 --> 01:22:33,530
You're a virgin and he's not.
It's just not gonna work.
1321
01:22:34,110 --> 01:22:36,200
So, what?
I'm supposed to break
up with him?
1322
01:22:36,280 --> 01:22:38,990
No, but you need
to get back
on the same level.
1323
01:22:40,450 --> 01:22:43,120
You need to
sleep with somebody.
Tonight.
1324
01:22:43,200 --> 01:22:45,290
Brooke.
Shut up, Natalie.
1325
01:22:45,370 --> 01:22:48,130
It's the only way.
Imagine a month from now,
1326
01:22:48,210 --> 01:22:49,960
you decide to do it with Erik.
1327
01:22:50,040 --> 01:22:54,130
All you're going to be
thinking is that he's already
had sex with some other girl.
1328
01:22:54,210 --> 01:22:56,970
The relationship will not be
equal unless you do this.
1329
01:22:57,050 --> 01:22:59,550
Oh, look.
There's Trent.
1330
01:23:01,310 --> 01:23:03,220
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1331
01:23:05,350 --> 01:23:06,560
Perfect.
1332
01:23:16,820 --> 01:23:19,570
Hey, cool. A pool table.
Do you play?
1333
01:23:20,910 --> 01:23:22,410
Sometimes.
1334
01:23:22,740 --> 01:23:24,580
Well, what do
you want to play?
1335
01:23:24,700 --> 01:23:26,000
I don't care.
1336
01:23:26,080 --> 01:23:30,080
Okay. Well,
how about nine-ball?
Look, nine-ball.
1337
01:23:30,420 --> 01:23:34,090
It's... It's easy. You just
have to get the balls in order
from one through nine.
1338
01:23:34,170 --> 01:23:38,930
I'll show you.
I'll break right now.
You'll be good at it.
1339
01:23:41,600 --> 01:23:43,010
Erik.
Yeah.
1340
01:23:43,100 --> 01:23:44,430
(CRASHING)
1341
01:23:46,020 --> 01:23:47,390
Come here.
1342
01:24:02,280 --> 01:24:07,040
This is special to you,
right? I mean,
this weekend, this night?
1343
01:24:07,620 --> 01:24:09,120
Erik?
Yes?
1344
01:24:09,920 --> 01:24:12,290
This is sex, not Shakespeare.
1345
01:24:13,960 --> 01:24:17,130
Are you sure you want to?
Because I doubt
I'll be very good.
1346
01:24:17,260 --> 01:24:20,380
Don't worry. I know how to
handle guys like you.
1347
01:24:21,550 --> 01:24:22,800
Guys like me?
1348
01:24:22,930 --> 01:24:24,470
Virgins.
1349
01:24:24,810 --> 01:24:26,930
I can take care of virgins.
1350
01:24:28,310 --> 01:24:30,810
You mean,
I'm not your first virgin?
1351
01:24:31,310 --> 01:24:33,560
I have a bit of a confession.
1352
01:24:34,650 --> 01:24:37,480
Some girls like blonds,
some like muscles.
1353
01:24:38,820 --> 01:24:40,400
I like virgins.
1354
01:24:42,660 --> 01:24:45,160
Are you ready for
a special night?
1355
01:24:47,540 --> 01:24:49,540
(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
1356
01:25:01,590 --> 01:25:05,350
Hey there, beautiful.
Didn't expect to see
you here tonight.
1357
01:25:05,800 --> 01:25:08,520
I came to apologize.
I heard about what happened,
1358
01:25:08,600 --> 01:25:12,190
and I wanted to let you know
that I didn't know
anything about it.
1359
01:25:12,270 --> 01:25:14,610
You're not just here
to set me up?
1360
01:25:14,690 --> 01:25:18,190
I would never want to
let anything happen to
that gorgeous face.
1361
01:25:20,530 --> 01:25:24,200
You sure you're supposed
to be dancing on enemy
territory like this?
1362
01:25:24,320 --> 01:25:27,990
I dance where I want,
with who I want.
1363
01:25:29,700 --> 01:25:31,370
I like your style.
1364
01:25:33,500 --> 01:25:34,960
And your ass.
1365
01:25:48,390 --> 01:25:50,560
You know,
I don't usually go for
1366
01:25:50,680 --> 01:25:53,850
suburban, jock,
Abercrombie clones,
1367
01:25:53,980 --> 01:25:56,650
but there is something
about you.
Yeah?
1368
01:25:56,730 --> 01:26:00,530
Well, I tend to have
that effect on
pacifist, vegan bisexuals.
1369
01:26:11,080 --> 01:26:13,580
This guy's got good taste.
1370
01:26:14,000 --> 01:26:17,080
You sure you're up for this
after that little incident
downstairs?
1371
01:26:17,210 --> 01:26:20,840
They don't call me "Everhard"
because I've only got
one bullet in the chamber.
1372
01:26:21,590 --> 01:26:23,420
But just to be sure...
1373
01:26:24,510 --> 01:26:26,840
Should you be taking
more of that?
1374
01:26:26,930 --> 01:26:30,560
More? I didn't take it
the first time.
1375
01:26:32,600 --> 01:26:34,690
You mean...
That's right, baby.
1376
01:26:34,770 --> 01:26:37,400
We're gonna have
a good time tonight.
1377
01:26:39,190 --> 01:26:44,110
Now get your worthless ass
on the bed, you peasant.
1378
01:26:44,780 --> 01:26:46,200
Excuse me?
1379
01:26:46,280 --> 01:26:48,280
I said, get on the bed
1380
01:26:48,370 --> 01:26:50,280
you worthless peasant!
1381
01:26:51,280 --> 01:26:53,700
What is your problem?
Whoa, what's that? What...
1382
01:26:53,790 --> 01:26:54,790
Ow! God!
1383
01:26:55,210 --> 01:26:57,290
I said, get on the bed,
1384
01:26:58,040 --> 01:27:00,130
and I meant it.
1385
01:27:01,710 --> 01:27:05,130
Oh, yeah, baby. I get it.
1386
01:27:06,260 --> 01:27:07,880
And I'm into it.
1387
01:27:08,760 --> 01:27:09,970
Shut up!
1388
01:27:10,220 --> 01:27:11,720
(GROANING)
1389
01:27:13,220 --> 01:27:15,640
All right! All right!
All right! (YELPS)
1390
01:27:16,060 --> 01:27:17,060
(COOZE GROANING)
1391
01:27:33,660 --> 01:27:34,950
Brandy.
1392
01:27:36,250 --> 01:27:40,000
Look, I can't do this.
I'm really sorry, okay?
1393
01:27:40,460 --> 01:27:42,500
I mean,
you're really gorgeous
and really cool,
1394
01:27:42,590 --> 01:27:44,920
and I'm sure that every single
guy on this planet
1395
01:27:45,010 --> 01:27:47,920
would love to sleep with you,
including me.
1396
01:27:48,260 --> 01:27:49,930
But I just can't.
1397
01:27:52,140 --> 01:27:53,510
I'm in love.
1398
01:27:57,020 --> 01:27:59,770
I hope this girl knows
how lucky she is.
1399
01:27:59,850 --> 01:28:01,350
I seriously doubt that.
1400
01:28:12,660 --> 01:28:15,790
Got to say it again.
This is a very nice surprise.
1401
01:28:16,790 --> 01:28:18,370
What can I say?
I'm full of them.
1402
01:28:18,460 --> 01:28:19,790
So, what about Erik?
1403
01:28:20,790 --> 01:28:23,210
We're on a weekend
guilt-free pass.
1404
01:28:23,790 --> 01:28:26,340
We can do anything we want.
1405
01:28:26,710 --> 01:28:28,380
Anything?
1406
01:28:28,720 --> 01:28:29,720
Anything.
1407
01:28:29,840 --> 01:28:31,220
I like the sound of that.
1408
01:28:48,070 --> 01:28:49,320
Is this your room?
1409
01:28:49,400 --> 01:28:52,070
Why, yes, it is,
my diminutive goddess.
1410
01:28:53,570 --> 01:28:57,330
Good, because
we are going to need
1411
01:28:57,410 --> 01:28:59,200
a little bit of privacy.
1412
01:29:03,790 --> 01:29:05,460
(BOTH MOANING)
1413
01:29:10,220 --> 01:29:13,430
That's it, you pathetic slave.
Keep doing that.
1414
01:29:14,340 --> 01:29:16,810
Don't you think this is
getting a little out of hand?
1415
01:29:16,890 --> 01:29:19,890
Oh, you haven't even seen
"out of hand" yet.
1416
01:29:19,980 --> 01:29:21,690
I didn't mean
we had to stop.
1417
01:29:21,770 --> 01:29:25,400
Oh, we're not stopping.
We're just getting started.
1418
01:29:26,520 --> 01:29:28,360
You ready to get kinky?
1419
01:29:28,440 --> 01:29:30,400
Whoa, this isn't kinky yet?
1420
01:29:31,280 --> 01:29:32,820
Not even close.
1421
01:29:37,030 --> 01:29:38,790
What is that noise?
1422
01:29:40,750 --> 01:29:41,830
(MOANING)
1423
01:29:44,290 --> 01:29:45,880
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
1424
01:29:46,250 --> 01:29:47,750
What the hell?
1425
01:29:48,340 --> 01:29:49,630
(ALARM BEEPING)
1426
01:29:53,840 --> 01:29:55,470
You got to be kidding me.
1427
01:30:13,360 --> 01:30:14,360
(SIGHS)
1428
01:30:16,360 --> 01:30:17,780
(HORSE SNUFFLING)
1429
01:30:25,290 --> 01:30:27,790
So, you wanna go upstairs?
1430
01:30:30,380 --> 01:30:32,920
Yeah, I do.
1431
01:30:40,600 --> 01:30:42,180
(DOORBELL RINGING)
1432
01:30:46,060 --> 01:30:47,440
(PANTING)
1433
01:30:47,850 --> 01:30:50,900
Hi, Mr. Sterling.
Is Tracy home?
1434
01:30:51,480 --> 01:30:53,610
Hello, Erik. No, she's not.
1435
01:30:53,820 --> 01:30:56,860
She's gone to a party
with Brooke and Natalie.
1436
01:30:56,950 --> 01:30:57,990
Oh.
1437
01:30:58,990 --> 01:31:01,990
Okay. Well,
sorry to disturb you.
1438
01:31:02,160 --> 01:31:03,410
Have a good night!
1439
01:31:05,290 --> 01:31:06,290
(URGING HORSE)
1440
01:31:08,080 --> 01:31:09,830
Crazy little fucker.
1441
01:31:15,170 --> 01:31:17,590
We gotta find Tracy.
We gotta find Tracy.
1442
01:31:17,680 --> 01:31:20,140
We gotta find Tracy.
Where the fuck is Tracy?
1443
01:31:20,720 --> 01:31:23,970
I don't think sex has
to be just one-on-one.
1444
01:31:24,060 --> 01:31:25,100
(HORSE NEIGHING)
1445
01:31:25,180 --> 01:31:26,690
What the hell?
1446
01:31:28,560 --> 01:31:31,520
Tracy!
1447
01:31:33,150 --> 01:31:34,190
Hey!
1448
01:31:37,820 --> 01:31:38,990
Trace!
1449
01:31:39,320 --> 01:31:40,820
What the hell are you
doing here?
1450
01:31:40,910 --> 01:31:42,780
And on a horse!
1451
01:31:42,990 --> 01:31:45,000
Where's Tracy?
I have to see her.
1452
01:31:45,080 --> 01:31:47,830
We think it's best
if you just
leave her alone.
1453
01:31:47,910 --> 01:31:49,370
What? Why?
1454
01:31:49,460 --> 01:31:52,340
Because we know about
your little sorority slut.
1455
01:31:52,420 --> 01:31:56,300
What are you talking about?
She saw you
kiss that girl on TV.
1456
01:31:56,760 --> 01:32:00,430
Shit. Wait a second. So what?
I was on a guilt-free pass.
1457
01:32:00,510 --> 01:32:03,220
Wake up, Erik.
There is no such thing.
1458
01:32:04,260 --> 01:32:05,310
Where is Tracy?
1459
01:32:05,390 --> 01:32:09,480
Oh, we gave Tracy
a guilt-free pass,
and she's using it right now.
1460
01:32:13,520 --> 01:32:15,530
Tracy! Trace!
1461
01:32:19,990 --> 01:32:22,820
Hey, hey. Tracy Sterling.
Have you seen her?
1462
01:32:22,910 --> 01:32:26,080
I think she went upstairs
with Trent a little...
1463
01:32:26,540 --> 01:32:27,700
Tracy!
1464
01:32:29,500 --> 01:32:30,710
Tracy.
1465
01:32:35,170 --> 01:32:36,920
(WOMAN MOANING)
1466
01:32:37,010 --> 01:32:39,800
Trace, can you hear me?
Are you in there?
1467
01:32:40,010 --> 01:32:42,840
Trace, if you can hear me,
I am sorry.
1468
01:32:42,930 --> 01:32:45,060
I am really sorry about
everything, okay?
1469
01:32:45,140 --> 01:32:48,390
I know you gave me this pass,
but I didn't use it.
1470
01:32:48,560 --> 01:32:49,560
I mean I did use it,
1471
01:32:49,640 --> 01:32:50,940
but it was
only for a few seconds.
1472
01:32:51,020 --> 01:32:54,310
I couldn't go through with it,
so I came here looking
for you, okay?
1473
01:32:54,400 --> 01:32:57,650
Look, I don't care about
the sex. I really don't.
1474
01:32:58,360 --> 01:33:01,200
It's not the most important
thing. You are.
1475
01:33:01,740 --> 01:33:03,660
Trace, I love you.
1476
01:33:05,200 --> 01:33:06,790
Can you hear me?
Dude.
1477
01:33:06,870 --> 01:33:09,620
Do you mind? I'm trying
to get laid here.
1478
01:33:12,620 --> 01:33:14,630
TRACY: You rode
a horse for me?
1479
01:33:23,970 --> 01:33:27,060
When I heard her,
I thought...
1480
01:33:28,140 --> 01:33:30,140
I couldn't do it, either.
1481
01:33:33,730 --> 01:33:35,360
I love you, too.
1482
01:33:40,030 --> 01:33:41,820
(ALL CHEERING)
1483
01:34:03,170 --> 01:34:04,510
Should we?
1484
01:34:08,720 --> 01:34:11,100
(BIRTHDAY SONG PLAYING)
1485
01:34:57,560 --> 01:34:59,150
(VIBRATOR BUZZING)
1486
01:35:14,160 --> 01:35:16,210
I'm telling you, man.
I parked the car right here.
1487
01:35:16,290 --> 01:35:20,380
Well, obviously, you didn't,
because then
it would be right here.
1488
01:35:21,130 --> 01:35:22,800
Where the hell is Erik?
1489
01:35:22,880 --> 01:35:26,550
Dude, I don't even know
where my underwear is.
1490
01:35:26,630 --> 01:35:27,630
RYAN: Hey.
1491
01:35:28,300 --> 01:35:29,590
Somebody call a taxi?
1492
01:35:29,680 --> 01:35:31,140
Where the fuck did you go?
1493
01:35:31,220 --> 01:35:32,350
To get some breakfast.
1494
01:35:32,430 --> 01:35:34,520
Oh, sweet. I'm starving.
1495
01:35:39,810 --> 01:35:41,110
(GROANING)
1496
01:35:41,810 --> 01:35:43,270
I take it you guys
had a good night.
1497
01:35:43,360 --> 01:35:45,360
Oh, completely
out of hand, bro.
1498
01:35:45,440 --> 01:35:47,110
Where are the girls?
1499
01:35:47,200 --> 01:35:51,160
They all split this morning.
Said they had to drive to
State for some big party.
1500
01:35:51,240 --> 01:35:52,870
That must make you
feel pretty special.
1501
01:35:52,950 --> 01:35:55,330
"Special"?
Who cares about special?
1502
01:35:55,410 --> 01:35:57,540
All I care about is the sex.
1503
01:35:57,620 --> 01:36:01,080
And, baby, I had plenty.
1504
01:36:02,130 --> 01:36:04,960
And just how out of hand
was this sex, Cooze?
1505
01:36:05,050 --> 01:36:07,550
I don't wanna talk about it.
Ever.
1506
01:36:09,880 --> 01:36:11,180
Speaking of which,
1507
01:36:11,260 --> 01:36:14,600
did you seal the deal
with that Brandy chick?
1508
01:36:17,100 --> 01:36:18,390
No.
(BOTH GROAN)
1509
01:36:18,480 --> 01:36:20,440
I told you. Pay up.
1510
01:36:21,190 --> 01:36:23,980
But I did have sex with Tracy
last night.
1511
01:36:28,280 --> 01:36:29,490
What are you talking about?
1512
01:36:29,570 --> 01:36:31,030
Tracy.
1513
01:36:31,360 --> 01:36:33,870
I drove home
in the middle of the night,
I ran out of gas,
1514
01:36:33,950 --> 01:36:37,160
stole a horse, rode over
to Allison's party...
1515
01:36:37,250 --> 01:36:39,410
We had sex in the guest room.
COOZE: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
1516
01:36:39,500 --> 01:36:41,210
You stole a horse?
Yup.
1517
01:36:41,290 --> 01:36:43,130
A real horse? Like the kind
you ride and shit?
1518
01:36:43,210 --> 01:36:44,630
Yeah, a real horse.
1519
01:36:44,710 --> 01:36:46,000
That's fucking fantastic.
1520
01:36:46,090 --> 01:36:47,920
I didn't think you had the
balls for something like that.
1521
01:36:48,010 --> 01:36:50,510
Neither did I.
COOZE: Where did you
find a horse?
1522
01:36:50,590 --> 01:36:52,760
Are there horses
in Great Falls?
1523
01:36:54,930 --> 01:36:56,390
Proud of you,
1524
01:36:57,390 --> 01:36:58,600
Stifler.
1525
01:37:00,140 --> 01:37:03,230
Thanks, man. I appreciate it.
But call me Erik.
1526
01:37:07,900 --> 01:37:08,900
Ooh.
1527
01:37:12,070 --> 01:37:14,990
RYAN: So, how do you feel?
ERIK: Best night
of my entire life.
1528
01:37:15,070 --> 01:37:17,490
COOZE: See you in a year,
college pussy!
1529
01:37:33,720 --> 01:37:35,470
Mail call, bitches.
1530
01:37:37,010 --> 01:37:38,180
Scooter.
1531
01:37:39,350 --> 01:37:40,560
Scratchy.
1532
01:37:41,640 --> 01:37:42,850
Tripod.
1533
01:37:48,190 --> 01:37:49,280
What the hell?
1534
01:37:49,360 --> 01:37:50,820
What is it, man?
1535
01:37:51,780 --> 01:37:53,240
I don't know.
1536
01:38:05,120 --> 01:38:07,210
Smile for the camera, baby.
1537
01:38:15,590 --> 01:38:18,260
Oh, man.
That is fucked up.
1538
01:38:18,550 --> 01:38:19,560
(DWIGHT AND VICKI MOANING)
1539
01:38:21,180 --> 01:38:22,730
Stifler!
1540
01:38:23,430 --> 01:38:25,140
(TOP OF THE WORLD PLAYING)